Side Effects of Avoiding Negative Emotions

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (12)

Do you typically avoid negative emotions or embrace them? Embracing the complexities of the human emotional experience is a good thing. It helps you to build a healthy relationship with yourself by validating and allowing yourself to feel. Of course, not every feeling needs to be acted upon especially if you find yourself repeating unhealthy behaviours. However, avoiding any negative emotions is an act of violence against of well-being.

I often see that people conflating emotions outside of joy as being a bad thing. In my opinion, I believe that this is undermining and dismissive. It also shames people for feeling genuine emotions over real-life situations. As much as you may do your absolute best to feel great all the time, you are going to have crappy days. That doesn’t make you a negative person. In fact, by embracing your feelings and accepting them is a sign of emotional maturity. It demonstrates that you are validating your emotional experience.

Problem with emotional avoidance:

The feelings you suppress come out later in life as unaddressed pain
You are not practising self-care and self-love
You may find yourself experiencing random outburst of sadness
You may subconsciously project your negative feelings onto others
You may be avoiding finding solutions to your problems

When you approach negative feelings with ‘stay positive’ rhetoric, you end up preventing yourself from feeling your feelings. Behind your emotions may be unaddressed pain that manifests emotions like sadness, anger, etc. When you don’t allow yourself to uncover the truth behind your feelings, thoughts, and actions, you distract yourself from doing necessary healing work.

Additionally, I am a firm believer that you can’t fool the universe. What you avoid will always find a way to confront you eventually. Your negative feelings can manifest in the people you attract, the situations you find yourself in and so forth. Wouldn’t you rather deal with the temporary discomfort of your feelings instead of taking months/ years to clean up the damage caused by suppressing your feelings? I would choose the first option!

Here are some tips on how to deal with emotional avoidance:

Learn to hold yourself when feeling low- What would you say to a child who’s feeling low? You wouldn’t shut them down by saying ‘stay positive’ (well I hope not). You would try to affirm them maybe by saying that ‘it’s okay to be sad, but things will be okay’. Learn to comfort yourself just like you would to a child and assure yourself that things are going to be okay.
Breathe- Do some breathing techniques to calm yourself down. You could try the 4-7-8 breathing rule or any other ones that you may find useful.
Journal- Write about how you are feeling. Focus on writing down the situation and emotions that cropped up for you. Then write down what methods you can try to make yourself feel better at the moment.
Remind yourself of your values- If you haven’t already, write down your values. Are your actions/emotions currently in alignment with the type of person you want to be? This helps you to put things into perspective and reminds you that in the longer-term certain emotions shall pass.

Life comes in cycles. We must become comfortable in seeing our life that way. Some days are harder than others but that’s life. We truly need to have moments of sadness so we can understand and appreciate life and its joys. Acceptance is where you become emotionally healthy and therefore practice self-validation.

A question to you:

Do you avoid negative emotions or embrace them?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Much Love, Ash xx

Goal Setting Planner and Wellness Worksheets

Featured ~ Ash ~ 4 Comments

Hello guys,

I have a special surprise for you all.

I have made 14 printable planners and worksheets for FREE to download. Get your printable PDF worksheets here.

Each sheet is perfectly sized to print in A4 or A5 format.

You can print them on whatever paper you’d like including Matte Finish, Card paper.

These all-encompassing worksheets are made to help organisation different areas of yourself to meet your personal goals. Worksheets are an amazing tool for self-reflection and exploration. Writing is an excellent tool for personal growth, healing, self-exploration and creative expression.

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Short Term Goals
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Long Term Goals
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Goal Setting
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Weekly To Do List
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The Gratitude Journal
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Challenging Negative Thoughts 1
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Challenging Negative Thoughts 2
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Trash Thoughts
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I Keep My Cup Full
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Journal Prompts 1
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Journal Prompts 2
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Journal Prompts 3
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Life Improvement Tips
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Life Improvement Checklist
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Continue reading “Goal Setting Planner and Wellness Worksheets” →

Side effects of overextending yourself

Featured ~ Ash

Do you constantly put the needs of others before your own? Are you often compromising your personal peace to please others?

Too often have I placed the needs of others before my own, often exhausting myself in the process. I believe that helping others is extremely important, however I don’t believe it should leave us feeling burdened, fatigued and under appreciated.

Overextending is when you are putting too much of yourself into a situation, leaving you with less energy to pour into meeting your personal needs. Overextending is often done with the expectation that the person receiving the help will be pleased with the amount of effort you are giving. Chronic people pleasers often make it their personal responsibility to sacrifice their own needs, therefore burdening themselves, in an attempt to serve others.

People pleasers often feel obligated to make the life of others easier. However in an attempt to be caring and helpful, they end up neglecting their true desires to live holistically and prioritize their wellbeing.

These are the signs that you are overextending yourself:

Feeling burnt out

Not having enough energy to do things for yourself

Feeling resentful

Running out of resources

Potentially feeling used and unvalued
Restlessness and fatigue

Tips to help:

Say no more often- Politely decline when people ask for help and you cannot give it. There’s times where we simply don’t have the means/ energy or time to help. You are not obligated to inconvenience yourself to please others. Maybe saying no is the best thing you can say ro the person asking so that they can become more self sufficient. It could even enable them to find the help with someone who is more suited to do so. Be clear and decisive. Your no is valid.

Communicate your needs- If you genuinely want to help someone but may not have the capacity in this moment then communicate a healthy compromise. Tell them what you can help out with or in what deadline.

Surround yourself with people who get it- If you have people who are considerate and respect boundaries, it’s easier to feel comfortable fully expressing your needs and desires. Find people who understand you and won’t consistently put in you a situation you feel uncomfortable with.

Self Reflection- Do you people please because you are scared of disappointing others? Start getting to the root reason why you feel compelled to put others first and your LAST!

Affirmations:

“My needs are valid and important”

“Before I check in on others, I need to first check in on myself”

“People who have my best interest at heart will find it in them to respect when I can’t extend my hand to them, in times when i need me the most”

Questions to you:

Do you overextend yourself often?

How are you looking after your own needs first?

Much love, Ash xx

The importance of Self-Forgiveness

Featured ~ Ash ~ 20 Comments

Have you forgiven yourself for your past mistakes? Or are you still holding onto what you wish you’d done differently?

Living in a constant state of guilt is tormenting. Your mind replays what you did wrong and how things could have been different. It leads to self-sabotage and negative self-talk. You can believe that you are not good enough for certain positive experiences because you weren’t able to change what happened. We may overcompensate to fix the issue but the thoughts still linger in our mind about how we messed up.

Guilt takes away our ability to practice self-compassion. You may end up using harsh words towards yourself as a form of punishment. Inflicting pain onto others somehow justifies ill-treatment towards ourselves to even the plain field.

At some point in our life, we might do something that causes harm (intentionally or unintentionally) to others. Having to deal with the reality that our actions have contributed to someone else’s pain is a hard pill to swallow. Forgiving oneself is a practice of self-preservation, kindness, compassion, and love. It’s a commitment that despite your mistakes, you will not give up on yourself.

The guilt arises when our actions are out of alignment with our values. If you value being kind, honest and respectful to others, being deceitful and malicious created an internal conflict. We know better but chose not to at that moment. Carrying guilt stops you from practicing self-redemption. We all can change, even when our actions are seen as ‘unforgivable’ in society’s standards.

Often the thing that we don’t forgive ourselves for, we would forgive others doing the same thing. Be willing to offer yourself the same level of compassion that you would to a friend. If you believe you have changed, you don’t need to hold yourself hostage to mistakes that were committed by an old version of you. If you had known what you knew now, you wouldn’t have done what you did- you made choices in the past at the level consciousness you had at the time. You know better now. Be willing to see this situation differently. Your mistakes have given you clarity about the type of person you want to be and the situations you will avoid next time. Some life lessons are harsh but necessary to become a better version of ourselves.

How to Forgive Yourself:

Be honest with yourself

What situation do you hold guilt about? Have an honest conversation with yourself about what you feel guilty/ shame about and how it makes you feel.

Admit your messed up

Self-acceptance is a practice of self-love. You need to accept that you messed up and take full accountability for that situation.

Practice self-compassion

Check if you are missing something. Did you know everything about a situation at hand or was you not in the mind frame to comprehend the harm you caused? Was fear one of the reasons why you made the decision you did? Offer yourself some compassion for not knowing what you know now.

Apologise to anyone who you hurt

Take a risk and contact the person you hurt and apologise. Tell them exactly what actions you take accountability for and why. However, don’t hold onto the expectation that they will be forgiving. Give the person space to express their feelings and don’t go on the defensive. If you are struggling with forgiving yourself for allowing someone else to inflict pain onto you, maybe write an ‘I’m sorry for’ letter to yourself.

Write yourself an apology

Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself.

Give yourself time

It’s okay to feel guilty for what you did. When a situation happens it’s difficult to move on especially if it’s life-altering. Give yourself the time and space to let go of the past. Start by being more present every day and reminding yourself of why you deserve to self-forgiveness.

Quotes of Self Forgiveness:

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know until you lived through it. Honour your path. Trust your journey. Learn, grow, evolve, become.” – unknown.

“Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what now seems so obvious in hindsight”- Judy Belmont

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives”- unknown

You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. – Louise L. Hay

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” — Maya Angelou

“I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than him.” – C. S. Lewis

Discomfort- A shift is happening

Featured ~ Ash ~ 12 Comments

Hey guys,

I hope you are having a blessed 2020 so far. I wanted to share my thoughts some of my thoughts with you. January has been great so far but I’ve been feeling very uncomfortable. Am I the only one or have you been feeling the same?

I feel like there’s a universal shift going on and we are being forced to make changes. Old ways of thinking and being no longer serve a purpose in our lives. We are being called to let go of things, people, patterns that no longer add value to our lives. We are being called to look into the foundations we have built over time and reconstruct what no longer works.

We are feeling more uncomfortable doing things that we once we accepted and possibly enjoyed. We are being called to let go of those excuses that kept us away from our true lives calling. We are being called to hold ourselves more accountable.

Sometimes we have to go through discomfort for a better version of us to emerge. Don’t give up in this period of discomfort. Hold on and trust the process. What is coming will be grander than what’s past.

Question to you:

What are you being called to let go of and embrace in this new year?

Would love to hear your personal reflections!

Love Ash, xx

Embrace

Featured ~ Ash ~ 14 Comments

New decade mantra:

Instead of resisting, we are learning to embrace. We are no longer allowing disappointment to stop us from living the life we truly desire. We use our pain as fuel to live our highest, grandest life possible. We understand that life comes in seasons and instead of resisting change, we embrace it. The past decade has come with many life lessons. In the new decade, we utilize the knowledge acquired in the last one to become a better, more wiser human beings. We embrace, stay hopeful and go after our hearts true desires.

I wish you all a blessed new year 🌷🌷

Love Ash, xx

Intention Setting for the New Year 2020

Featured ~ Ash ~ 44 Comments

Copy of Copy of The ugly truth about self love

It’s the end of the year and you may be thinking about all the goals you want to achieve in the next year. But have you thought about your intentions behind your wanting to accomplish those goals?

Intention setting is when you ensure that all your goals are in alignment with your values and the core of who you are. Intention setting puts more meaning and purpose behind your goals. An example of this could be gaining your driving license. It becomes less about just passing the test but about wanting a vehicle to give you a sense of freedom to uproot and explore multiple places.

Benefits of Intention Setting:

Intention helps you avoid falling into the comparison trap. You gain a wider perspective as to why you want to achieve your goals. You become less consumed in appeasing the masses and more focused on meeting your targets. The acquisition of your goals becomes less material or status-driven but more about satisfying one’s soul’s desires.

Intentions are important because they remind us of the reasons why we want to achieve certain goals when things get tough. When you want to give up you can remind yourself of why it was important for you to achieve that goal. Having a business is less about the title of an entrepreneur but more about providing financial freedom for your family to there’s more joy.

Intention setting allows you to raise your vibrational energy by penetrating your psyche and providing a sense of hope, optimism to help you manifest your goals.

Additionally, intention setting makes your goals more possible. If you have a big goal you want to accomplish, it’s much harder to stay consistent when the going gets tough. If you set intentions behind your goal, it feels much more realistic and attainable to achieve. This is where the law of attraction comes into play. You set the intention for what you want, match your daily practices so that you become aligned with that goal each day. The universe will put you in the path of achieving that goal.

As the new year is coming, don’t forget to set your intentions. Ask yourself the following questions:

How does my goal align with my purpose?
What values am I practising with this goal?
How does achieving this goal feel in my body?

Today’s challenge:

Start your day with “ dear universe my intention today is to…”

A question to you:

What intentions are you setting for 2020?

I’d love to hear your answers!

Love Ash, xx

Surrender.

Featured ~ Ash ~ 9 Comments

Sometimes we want a situation to go a certain way but life often has its own plans. Sometimes we need to let go and allow the powers above to reconstruct our lives. You may not understand the current turmoil you are experiencing but eventually you will.

Trust that there’s work being done to restructure your chaos and make room for your joy.

Question for self-reflection:

How are you trusting your current situation?

Love Ash, x

The Gratitude Journal: Nov 19′

Featured ~ Ash ~ 11 Comments

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate (5).png

Happy November all ❤

This month’s gratitude journal topic is about the importance of self-reflection.

For many of us, we don’t give ourselves enough time to reflect because we are too busy keeping up with our daily responsibilities. When we are living on autopilot, it’s easy to get caught up doing low vibration things that are not in alignment with the abundantly joyful life we aim to create.

The end of the year is a great time to reflect on our lives and check in our emotional, mental and physical well-being. We need moments where we can look back and ask ourselves the necessary questions i.e. what did I learn, how did this make me feel? The more we reflect on the actions and events that have taken place in our lives, the more hope we have on creating a brighter, more intentional future for ourselves. Being grateful for the gift of life itself requires us to give ourselves the time to truly appreciate all the blessings we’ve had the pleasure of experiencing

“The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination…until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is impossible to grow or learn in life.” – Iylanla Vanzant

Writing prompts:

How has my year been so far?

What energy am I bringing into the next two months?

What do I need to let go of?

What am I proud of myself for?

Question to you:

What are you looking forward to this month?

I hope you have a blessed, restful month!

Love Ash, xx

Recommit.

Featured ~ Ash

Every now and then, life will throw us a curve ball. When we go through hard times, it’s easy to forget that we have the tools within us to make ourselves feel better. When life is good, self-care practises feel easier to follow out of pure enjoyment. However, when we are feeling low we can become complacent with feeling stuck in our pain.

Just because you fall short at times doesn’t take away from the progress you have made in your life. Self-love isn’t a linear progress. It’s a journey which has multiple bumps in the road. Don’t beat yourself up when you fall short and find yourself reverting back to an unhealthy place. Instead, make a detour back to practicing constructive things that will make you feel better.

Recently I’ve been going through a rough couple of weeks due to personal issues and I found myself completely neglecting my personal needs. The things I’d usually do like meditate, exercise and pray were being supplemented by unhealthy practices i.e brain numbing tv shows. Instead of beating myself up about it, I decided to get back on track and try again.

There’s still enough time for you to recommit to your own growth. We may fall off sometimes, but we must not be discouraged. Don’t be afraid to give yourself a 1000x second chances.

A Gentle Reminder:

Don’t forget that you’ve got the resources within you to help your healing.

Self-care is how we take our power back.

Sometimes there will be bumps in the road that will throw you off course. What matters most is whether we choose to get back up.

Question to you

How are you doing today?

Love, Ash xx

How to Cope with a Friendship Breakup

Featured ~ Ash ~ 21 Comments

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (10)

Have you ever drifted apart from a friend? They say some friends are for seasons but there are certain friendships that we thought would last forever. When I was younger, I used to visualize me and my friends raising our kids together, exploring the world and seeing each other reach the height of our success but life had its own plans.

Ending a friendship is extremely heartbreaking especially if they were a close friend. Unfortunately some relationships take a turn for the worst overtime. When it becomes unbearable to be around them or if their presence/ energy brings you down, it may be a sign to walk away. Friendships should make you feel loved, valued and respected. A great friend genuinely cares about your well-being and won’t be the cause of your stress. It’s normal to go through rough patches with our friends but if the common theme is more negative than positive then it’s an indication that something is wrong with the foundation of the friendship.

In saying that, just because your friendship has taken a turn for the worst doesn’t mean that it’ll always be that way. There’s still an opportunity to rebuild and resurrect old friendships. As we enter different seasons in our life, inevitably our friendships won’t always align with who we are at that present moment.

To make room for new relationships in our lives, we need to let go of what’s no longer serving us. I don’t believe in cutting people off because we all make mistakes and have the capacity to change our ways. If you decide to part ways and if the circumstances allow you to, it’s best to have a conversation about it so you both can engage in a constructive dialogue. Irrespective of how the friendship ended, you can’t undermine the value that person had in your life. Use the experience to draw on the positives and celebrate the contributions they made to help you become the person you are today.

From my personal experiences, I have conducted a list of tips to help people deal with friendship breakups.

How to cope with a friendship breakup:

Give yourself space to mourn- Give yourself the time to mourn the loss of the friendship just like you would an intimate relationship. It’s okay to cry or feel bitter feelings towards the way things transpired. You should let it all out than to build resentment towards them.
Confide in someone- Speak to someone you can confide in about how you feel. Maybe another friend can give you insight into what went wrong in the friendship and how to gain closure from the situation.
Make new friends- Go to a social event, reach out to someone new and make friends. Losing a friend especially a close one can make us feel lonely and isolated. Give yourself permission to get to know new people because they can add value to your life. Making new friends isn’t always easy but if you start opening yourself up to others, you will naturally attract your community.
Accountability- Take accountability for ways you participated in the breakup of the friendship. This is a great way for you to figure out what lessons you need to take from the experience so that they are not repeated in your other friendships. Maybe there’s things you need to be honest with yourself about in order to become a better comrade to others.
Gratitude- Express gratitude for the lessons and experiences you gained from your friendship. Write down all the ways the friendship added value to your life. Showing gratitude allows you to see the breakup of the friendship as a blessing.

Quotes for reflection:

“Release and detach from every person, every circumstance, every condition, and every situation that no longer serves a divine purpose in your life. All things have a season, and all seasons must come to an end. Choose a new season, filled with purposeful thoughts and activities.”- Iyanla Vanzant

“I am thankful for the lessons you have taught me. Thank you for contributing to the person I am today and for ushering me into this new season in my life.” – Ash Alves

“Some may have one single purpose in our lives and then move along after they fulfilled whatever that purpose was; they came for a reason and a season.”- Unknown

“Some friends may be a solitary season. Their presence was important at the moment, but seasons change and people change. We come to realize that even though the friendship may have been good, it was fleeting and it ended for a reason.” – Unknown

Quotes to you:

Have you experienced a friendship breakup?

How would you deal with conflict within your friendship/s?

I’d love to hear what you think!

Love Ash, xx

The Struggles of an Empath

Featured ~ Ash ~ 55 Comments

Being an empath is a superpower. We can frequently sense other people’s emotions often without them having to explain themselves. The people who have made a positive impact on this world are most likely empaths. The ability to be considerate, compassionate and harmonising truly makes us empaths blessings to humanity.

Definition- “an empath is someone who absorbs other people’s emotions because of their high sensitivities”.

But what are the cons of being an empath? In a world with so much pain and suffering, being an empath can be exhausting, to say the least. Not only are we confronted with our personal issues, we constantly feel the pain of other people’s problems. I love being an empath but recently I’ve noticed how my self sacrificing ways has caused me to neglect my personal needs. My inability to say no out of fear that I will be disappointing others has resulted in feeling burnt out and drained. I’ve exhausted my time and resources to help others when the same was never reciprocated. Wanting to wear a cape and help everyone with their problems is virtually impossible.

To use our empath power in an empowering way, I thought it’d be interesting to explore the negatives of being an empath.

Unhealthy side of being an Empath:

Overthinking – Misinterpreting someone’s mental state. Even though we tend to be highly intuitive, sometimes our perceptions are wrong. Constantly trying to figure people out and imposing on them what we think they are feeling can prove annoying and draining for the person on the receiving end. Sometimes when people they are doing fine, they being honest!

Overanalyzing- Similar to the previous point. Sometimes things are as they seem and don’t need much more analysis. Things like a disagreement with a friend or family member can easily turn into a long-winded battle within ourselves over what went wrong. Overanalyzing can result in us being unnecessarily harsh on ourselves especially when we think we’ve done something wrong. Self forgiveness is harder to practice for empaths who care deeply about people’s feelings.

Boundaries- Not being able to implement healthy boundaries with others. Typically empaths attract emotionally draining people who often pour onto them all their issues. Empaths becomes an emotional blanket for those who are egotistical and self-serving. We find ourselves in unbalanced relationships and tend to feel like we are giving much more than we are receiving.

Saying no- Empaths find it more difficult than the average person to say no because they are highly receptive to the emotions that result in disappointing others. We end up exhausting ourselves trying to please others around us. Saying yes to everyone often leads us to say “no” to our self-care. Our inability to turn things down makes empaths feel unsatisfied and drained.

Evolved Empaths

Learning the possible negatives of being an empath helps us to use our empath traits in an empowering and self-fulfilling way. I am learning that I am not responsible for other people’s moods and I don’t need to absorb their emotions. I have a skill for understanding other people’s emotions and I use that as a tool to create community and have genuine interactions.

5 Affirmations for Empaths:

1.Setting boundaries is a self-care ritual. When I express my boundaries, I am honouring my integrity and standing in the truth of who I am and what I deserve.

2. Saying no allows me to communicate realistic expectations of myself. I trust the universe will guide others and bring them in the path of someone else who is assigned to help them.

3. I allow myself to go into nature to be recharged. I take time out for self-care rituals and make a conscious effort to be present to avoid being overwhelmed by emotions. I make space for relaxation without feeling guilty.

4. I let go of the idea that I can fix everyone and allow others to be. I realise my own limits and let people figure out things themselves. I make peace with the fact that some things can’t be ‘fixed’ and that people need to go through certain things for their own personal growth.

5. I allow positivity to enter my life. I express gratitude daily and celebrate my joyful moments. I release the need to fester onto negative experiences and let go of the need to hold onto pain. I allow myself to experience joy in its entirety because that’s what I deserve.

A Question to you:

Are you an empath?

I always love to hear your thoughts!

Blessings, Ash xx

The Gratitude Journal: Sep 19′

Featured ~ Ash ~ 31 Comments

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate.jpg

Hello love,

The topic of this month’s Gratitude Journal is LESSONS–

Some obstacles are blessings in disguise. Obstacles help us to be redirected in the path that’s in alignment with our highest good. Other obstacles are a test of our endurance and perseverance. Without obstacles, we wouldn’t be who we are today. Those obstacles that exist in your life are teaching you something about yourself and your current situation. All challenges are apart of the human experience.

Declaration:

I am grateful for the times that I was redirected and pointed towards a better path. All the things I have been through have been lessons that I needed to learn to become the person I am today. Resilience, love, and peace were built as a result of the things I’ve overcome. Through the lessons I have learned, I can help others on their journeys so that they don’t have to make the same mistakes.

Reminder:

If you are going with a difficult challenge in your life currently, the lesson you need to learn may not be clear to you. Have patience as all will be revealed to you eventually. Utilise each obstacle to flex your resilience muscle. Declare that no matter what happens, you will overcome it because you are a fighter. Even if it takes you time to move forward, you will be a better person as a result of your current pain. Have unwavering faith in your ability to manifest the life that you want no matter what obstacles that come your way.

Monthly Meditation:

“I am grateful for God/Universe using me as a vessel to learn this hard lesson. I know that I have a higher calling on my life. I choose to use this knowledge to become a better person and to give back to others.”

Questions to ask yourself when experiencing obstacles:

What is this obstacle teaching me?
What do I need to pay attention to?
How can I overcome this?

Question to you NOW:

What are you grateful for today?

I’d love to hear from you!

Love Ash, xx

FEAR OF MISSING OUT: SOCIAL MEDIA WOES

Featured ~ Ash ~ 33 Comments

Have you ever been on social media and saw people having the time of their lives and felt like you were missing out? The fear of missing out aka (FOMO), often derives from feeling like others are experiencing better things than you are. It has become more prevalent in the age of social media where you are constantly paraded with the highlights of other people’s lives.

Social media exacerbates this feeling of missing out. It leads people to compare their ordinary lives to others online who they perceive to be leading more abundant, fulfilling lives. Sites like Instagram and Facebook place emphasis on the reel highlights of someone’s life. People use it as a tool to brag about all the amazing things they are doing, intentionally leaving out all the very normal things that most people experience. This creates space for people to feel envious and dissatisfied with their own life’s.

You suffer from FOMO if you do or feel any of the following:

Feeling like everyone is having more fun, and experiencing more joy than you
Overcompensating by posting content to make you feel better about your life and to convince others that you have it all together
Constantly watching what other people are doing and keeping tabs to feel like we are a part of the action
Feeling pressured to be visible on social media
Feeling like no one can relate their struggles

This fear of missing out can harm people’s self-esteem. It can make us feel like we are not good enough and unfortunate in comparison. The constant wave of picturesque pictures and celebratory statuses can make us ungrateful for the life that we lead.

I think in some way many of us fear missing out. If you are a content creator, the pressure to be constantly visible and produce content can keep us in a constant hamster wheel. I know I’ve felt like I can’t take a social media break or that I must engage in certain conversations in fear of missing my window of opportunity to promote my brand. As humans, we have a desire to be valued and loved. Experiencing joy is fundamental for self-preservation and being a part of something makes us feel less lonely. However, the feeling of missing out leads us to seek validation in unhealthy ways by constantly ‘performing’ online. It brings us back to the very school-like dynamics of feeling left out and trying to fit in.

The reality is even if you were able to acquire the things you envy from others (i.e. a relationship, a great social life or material success), it doesn’t guarantee that your life will be more fulfilled. You may end up in a loving relationship but may not be enough because you lack self confidence. Also, things aren’t always what it seems online. There have been times when I posted myself going out but wasn’t feeling that great about myself. You can’t make assumptions based on what you see online.

If you are suffering from FOMO I want you to remember this:

People are online showing their reel highlights. We all have them. Comparing ourselves to other people’s highlights is unfair and unkind. You never know what others are going through. All that matters are that your life is in alignment with what you envision for it.

Remember, you get to live life on your terms. Your life is incomparable to others and you slay in your own lane. Nothing can fill a void that’s within you other than you. Find peace and joy within your own life and make a declaration that other people’s lives will not disrupt that peace.

Now over to you! Questions for you:

Do you suffer from FOMO?

What are your thoughts?

Much love, Ash xx

The Gratitude Journal: August 19’

Featured ~ Ash ~ 26 Comments

Happy August,

For this month’s gratitude topic, I want to talk about uncertainty!

When we are uncertain about a decision we need to make, it can make us feel stuck and unsettled. The fear of missing out or potentially making the wrong decision can be very daunting. We all feel uncertain at times and somehow we always figure it out. If you are currently feeling stuck, just remember that it will not last forever.

Perhaps we need to feel uncertain at times to get us to pause and really think. When we are sure about where we are heading, we are less inclined to take time out to observe all areas of our lives. Uncertainty allows us to take a birds eye view at our life and begs us to ask the questions; What area in my life do I need to pour more energy into?, Am I happy?, What needs shifting?

Uncertainty doesn’t last forever so take advantage of the need to pause in order to re-evaluate your life. Consider it as an opportunity to prioritize self care and put joy at the centre of your life. Don’t feel compelled to make an instant decision if you have the privilege of stalling it until you’re more certain. Life isn’t about getting to a destination “fast” but it’s about enjoying the ride. Maybe you’re uncertain because you need to show more gratitude for where you currently are in order to invite in something new and abundant into your life.

So whilst you’re feeling stuck, frustrated and uncertain, remind yourself that it won’t last forever and allow your intuition to guide you into making the best decision for you. Don’t be so attached to the outcome. And remember that you can always make another decision.

What are you focusing on this Month?

Have a great one!

Love Ash, xx

How to overcome feeling not good enough

Featured ~ Ash ~ 52 Comments

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Are you struggling with feeling not good enough? No matter how much you accomplish or try, you still feel this lingering feeling of not being enough. You might be in a perpetual cycle of doing things to fill a void to distract yourself from feelings of unworthiness.

Typically the narrative we tell ourselves about not feeling good enough derives from our upbringing. If you are fed messages by your caregivers that you are enough and valuable, you are more likely to have that foundation of self-acceptance and worthiness. If you were raised in an environment where you were criticised and felt like you had to shrink parts of who you are, you’re more likely to struggle with low self-esteem. However, it isn’t always this binary. Some people come from loving backgrounds who still suffer from not feeling good enough because of other negative experiences such as social media, bullying or even academic pressures. We are not born with feeling not good enough, we are taught to think that way about ourselves as a result of negative experiences we go through in life.

Overcoming feeling not good enough is a process that takes times. When we’ve become accustomed to that feeling for such a long time, our brain convinces us that it’s a part of our reality which is non-fixable. By letting that narrative of unworthiness win, we cheat ourselves out of opportunities that will make us feel loved, valued and that invites emotional healing. However, just because you don’t feel good enough right now doesn’t mean that you can’t change the narrative. You can choose to take control of how you think about yourself.

Three reminders for when you don’t feel good enough:

1. You are enough- You were born enough and nothing can take that away from you. Sometimes circumstances arise which make us doubt who we are. When we are used to disappointment, it reinforces that narrative that we aren’t enough for good opportunities, love or abundance. We believe that if we acquire more things, or become more of something else we would become more worthy. In a society where our value is closely tied to our status, material possessions, it’s normal to feel like this. Just because you don’t feel good enough in the present moment doesn’t mean that you always will.

2. Comparison is the thief of joy- Not everyone has it all figured out. No one is in your lane and no one is your competition. When you compare yourself, you’re unfairly putting two completely different lives and human beings in competition with the other. You do yourself a disservice when you compare yourself. They don’t know the challenges you’ve endured. Your progress does not have to look like anyone else’s. This is your life and you are in control.

3. Give yourself love- You’re deserving of love and compassion even when you feel like you aren’t enough. Shower yourself with appreciation and love always but especially when you don’t feel good about yourself. Nothing is inherently wrong with you just because you feel this way. Acknowledging that you are struggling is the first step to transformation.

Five tips to help you overcome feeling not good enough:

1. Inner Child Work- Inner child work is an opportunity to resolve your childhood emotions and experiences. Go into a quite space and write down all the negative experiences you remember in your childhood. Then reflect on how they may have impacted you by asking yourself; has this experience shaped the way I think about myself now? When you start to see a direct correlation between not feeling enough and your childhood experiences, you’ll start to see that the way you feel is a narrative that has been taught to you but can be changed. If this work is too much for you, I would suggest seeking help from a therapist who would be able to offer you professional support.

2. Get intimate with your inner critique- In order to fully understand why you don’t feel good enough, you have to unravel your thoughts. Next time you find yourself not feeling good, interrupt your chain of thought and ask yourself the following; How you are feeling? Why do I feel like this and what triggered those feelings? Then start to think about alternative ways you can look at the problem.

3. Separate yourself from your negative thoughts- When negative thoughts about yourself arise, try to separate yourself from the thoughts you are experiencing. For example; if you feel not good enough say “my thoughts are telling that i’m not good enough”. You will begin to gain better perspective and start to realise that we can change the narrative we tell ourselves.

4. Mantra- Write down anything that can trigger you into feeling like you’re not good enough. For example; being rejected from an opportunity. Find or create your own affirmations that you can refer to when those feelings arise. Find some comforting words that help you feel good and refer to them when you’re feeling low.

5. Talk to someone- The hardest thing is going through it alone. Talk to a friend or family member and tell them how you’re feeling. If you need extra help, look for a support group near you or call your GP and ask for to get in contact with a therapist service.

Questions to you:

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

What advice would you offer a friend who feels like this?

I’d love to hear from you!

Love, Ash xx

The Gratitude Journal: March 20′

March 2, 2020March 2, 2020 ~ Ash ~ 13 Comments

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Hello loves,

We made it to another month! This month’s gratitude journal is about action to create the life we truly want to live. Before I get into it, I just wanted to have a moment to express gratitude for life itself. I am grateful for the opportunity to breathe and exist in the world. I am reminded that waking up each morning is not a given. I honour that blessing by striving to be my best self and being unapologetic about who I am. I choose to move in the direction of my life’s purpose even when I’m scared. Even when things don’t go according to plan, I trust in the divine timing of my life and that things will align in a way that’s best for me.

The theme of March is about action. Putting the work into creating the life we want to live. Shifting our mindset from complaining to finding solutions to our problems. It means asking, what action steps can I take address this issue? The time is now to act on manifesting the type of life that we want to create. The time is now to live every single day in alignment with our life’s purpose. Even if some days look like a crawl, we are being called to be in movement. Taking action doesn’t always require grand gestures. It can look like research, creating your first design or even going to a networking event. The most important thing is that we are in movement.

How long are you going to keep your brilliant ideas to yourself? We wait for the right time to execute ideas and continue to prolong taking action when the majority of the time, there’s nothing to wait for. We hold ourselves back from potential failures. I’d rather fail forward knowing that I tried, than hold onto an idea that the world didn’t even get to a chance to see. I say do it anyway. Keep moving, even if you are petrified.

I wish you all a blessed month ❤

Question to you:

What are you grateful for this month?

Love Ash, xx

Accountability.

February 29, 2020February 29, 2020 ~ Ash ~ 5 Comments

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It’s so much easier to identify the unhealthy behaviour in others than within ourselves. Be brave enough to look within yourself, acknowledge what’s there and begin to address it. Be compassionate with yourself in the process. Taking accountability for your actions, behaviours and situation is the first step to becoming the victor of your own story.

I believe that it’s important to take an inventory of your life from time to time. These are some questions that you can ask yourself:

Is your criticism or judgement of others, a reflection of your own insecurities?

What unhealthy behaviour traits do you want to let go of?

What is my current situation teaching me?

What lessons do I need to revisit?

What does taking accountability in my life look like to me?

Question to you:

Do you take accountability for your actions?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Also, follow me in Pinterest: ashalvesblog

Love Ash, xx

The Gratitude Journal; Feb 2020

February 25, 2020 ~ Ash ~ 14 Comments

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In the wake of the recent death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter, it bought to people’s attention the fragility of life itself. We shy away from talking about death because it’s associated with pain, grief and loss. When a death occurs, it often puts things into perspective. You begin to think about how much people in your life mean to you.

I think we should welcome more conversations around death. It’s a human reality and part of the cycle of life. Life has no meaning without death. When we talk about death we open ourselves up to healing around our deceased loved ones. Our thirst for consumerism and fast paced living within capitalist culture makes it difficult to talk about the reality of death.

We need to talk about death so we can begin to experience death as a completion of life as a opposed to a loss of one. Death puts things into perspective and reminds us of the importance of moving in the path of creating the best lives for ourselves. It reminds us that we can’t allow our fears and insecurities to get in the way of living a joyful, loving, success, abundant life.

By acknowledging our eventual demise, we begin to have a new found appreciation for time and all forms of life around us. The thought that we are simultaneously dying whilst we are living means we are able to center ourselves, be our desired forms, manifest abundance in this life whilst we have it. You begin to live those moments with friends family. You allow a culture where we are able to mourn death of loved ones without feeling like the world has left them behind. You begin to life consciously in the now.

RIP Kobe Bryant, his Daughter, everyone that died in the crash & many more people who passed at such a young age.

Questions for Personal Reflection:

What would I do if I knew I had limited amount of time on this earth?

What contribution do I want to make on this earth?

If you were to die, what would matter the most to you?

What do you want to be remembered for?

Question to You:

What are you grateful for this month?

I would love to start a conversation around this topic.

Let me know your thoughts!

Love Ash xx

The Gratitude Journal: Jan 2020

January 1, 2020January 1, 2020 ~ Ash ~ 18 Comments

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New year. New Decade. New Beginning.

We have entered a new decade. Who knows what it’s going to bring? The only thing we know for sure is that we can do our best to make this year the best one possible!

The time is now to go after our hearts true desires. Yes, it’s going to be difficult and there’s going to be tough moments. When faced with adversity, we should choose to use it as fuel to go after our heart’s desires. We make a choice this year to step fully into our power and use every failure as a stepping stone to achieving our greatest victory.

We go full force into our creative endeavours. We let go of our need to self-sabotage and we reclaim the magic within us. We unapologetically show up in the world and demand respect. We aim to do things daily that are in alignment with our best interests and move us closer towards our goals. We choose to surround ourselves with loving friendships. We get up close and personal with our shadow side and do the personal work to become a better person. This year is not only about learning but also about remembering the lessons from the past to create a brighter future.

We are being called to go beyond what is comfortable to achieve greatness and to fulfil our purpose on this earth. Allow yourself to fly in 2020.

Question to you:

What are you looking forward to this year?

I hope you have a blessed New Year ❤

Love Ash, xx