How to Overcome Feeling Envious at someone else’s Success

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (14)

Does other people’s success trigger feelings of inadequacy? You may find that you are genuinely happy for them but can’t seem to stop thinking about what’s going wrong in your life.

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all gone through a period where we’ve been unhappy or unsatisfied with how things are going in our lives. Confronting our insecurities can be difficult especially when we live in an age of highlight reels. As much as you may try to focus on your journey, it’s easy to get caught up in what other people are doing especially in the age of the internet.

Let’s be real, it can get frustrating when you see other people achieving successful milestones that you want to achieve, especially when you feel like you work hard. I’ll give you an example; you might be applying for countless jobs only to be met by rejection after rejection then suddenly you find out that your friend landed a massive offer in a company you wanted to work for. This can crop up feelings of comparison, inadequacy, and jealously.

It doesn’t make you a bad person if you are battling with negative feelings towards your friend. This indicates that you have personal insecurities that you need to address. You can change how you feel but you have to first become aware of your feelings so that you don’t project your insecurities onto others.

It’s easy to demonise people who find themselves envious at others. I believe that we need to remove those stigmas so we can have more honest and open conversations. The more authentic we are, the better chance we have of healing and creating healthier relationships. Some people genuinely want to celebrate other people’s successes but they find themselves battling with their insecurities.

If you are feeling envious, it’s not okay to:

  • Undermine someone else’s success to make yourself feel better
  • To undercut their success by copying them
  • To throw shade

Equally, it’s okay to:

  • Not feel super ecstatic about their achievements

How to cope when your friend’s success triggers you:

1. Journal- Write down your thoughts and ask yourself the following: How do I feel? What is this situation cropping up for me? What accomplishments have I made? What action steps can I achieve my goals? Or do I need to be more patient and trusting? Get to the route cause of the issue and find a solution to your problem.

2. Celebrate it- If you see that someone’s doing something you love, celebrate it. Tell them how happy you are for them and how much of a major accomplishment it is. Don’t keep quiet- that’s negative and bad energy. Even if your feelings don’t match your words, you are putting out the intention that you want to feel more of those positive feelings towards them. Additionally, making someone else feel good about their accomplishments might even make you feel better.

3. Weekly reminders- Go over your long term goals every week. This is a great reminder of where you are heading and why. When you are clear about the direction that your life is going, it becomes less important about the speed.

Reminders when feelings envious at other people’s success:

Your time will come- Just because it hasn’t happened for you yet doesn’t mean it won’t. If you keep working hard & smart, it’s almost inevitable that you will reap the benefits. Keep focusing on your vision & express gratitude for where you are now.

Gain peace with the present- You are where you been to be right now. There are still lessons that need to be learned, what that has to be done to get to where you want to be. There are still so many things you can be grateful for in your life. Don’t get caught up in another person’s journey that you can’t see the blessings in yours.

Managing expectations- Maybe your expectations for yourself are too harsh. Give yourself time to accomplish your goals and take into consideration other obstacles that may get in the way.

See the lessons- There’s always a lesson that can be learned. How can you learn from what they did? Where they in contact with certain people? Do you need to make those connections? Look at the action steps behind their success. Their success may have been a result of their hard work. What can you adopt (of course in YOUR way)?

A question to you:

What advice would you give someone who’s struggling with this?

I’d love to hear from you!

Love, Ash x 

4 thoughts on “How to Overcome Feeling Envious at someone else’s Success

  1. Wayne Dyer said a wise thing that success is not only about achievements , or wealth or job getting . Real success is in feeling joyful , loving yourself unconstitutionally and being grateful for where you are because no person has a perfect life or a perfect character …
    I used to wish that I were a movie star or even a prophet like Moses , or David or Mohammad or whoever you think of but I found that before achievements of their status , their journey experienced pain and setbacks that they endured to be greater messengers …
    I used to wish I were born in a developed nation like Australia or Canada or Sweden but I discovered that even there things are not as easy and rosy as they seem , just do what you can and be what you can as God has blessed you with special talents and everyone is different so yes , do not compare …
    Everyone has hardships before experiencing the joy …

    Love from Lebanon…

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  2. I think looking at insecurities is the best advice. It’s always a good idea to look at the root of something, and in this case, there’s a reason why someone feels insecure in the first place. Once s/he figures that out, then I think the rest will work itself out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There are so many dynamics within jealousy and it’s sibling envy. When I experience those feelings deeply I take a time out and pay attention to where I am in life. I understand that I don’t need to be anyone else or have their experience. And when I feel I do it’s because I fell out of gratitude and awareness for what I am and have right now. Great post.

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  4. Such a great post and topical during these uncertain times. I think it’s important for the person who has the good news to be cognizant of how they spread their good news especially if they know their friend is going through a rough time in the same area of life

    Having said that I think all your advice was perfect. I would probably say the same thing, that acknowledging the feelings is important and it’s okay, but just don’t rain on that persons parade, try to make them fail or like be shady or outwardly jealous

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