Side Effects of Avoiding Negative Emotions

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (12)

Do you typically avoid negative emotions or embrace them? Embracing the complexities of the human emotional experience is a good thing. It helps you to build a healthy relationship with yourself by validating and allowing yourself to feel. Of course, not every feeling needs to be acted upon especially if you find yourself repeating unhealthy behaviours. However, avoiding any negative emotions is an act of violence against of well-being.

I often see that people conflating emotions outside of joy as being a bad thing. In my opinion, I believe that this is undermining and dismissive. It also shames people for feeling genuine emotions over real-life situations. As much as you may do your absolute best to feel great all the time, you are going to have crappy days. That doesn’t make you a negative person. In fact, by embracing your feelings and accepting them is a sign of emotional maturity. It demonstrates that you are validating your emotional experience.

Problem with emotional avoidance:

  • The feelings you suppress come out later in life as unaddressed pain
  • You are not practising self-care and self-love
  • You may find yourself experiencing random outburst of sadness
  • You may subconsciously project your negative feelings onto others
  • You may be avoiding finding solutions  to your problems

When you approach negative feelings with ‘stay positive’ rhetoric, you end up preventing yourself from feeling your feelings. Behind your emotions may be unaddressed pain that manifests emotions like sadness, anger, etc. When you don’t allow yourself to uncover the truth behind your feelings, thoughts, and actions, you distract yourself from doing necessary healing work.

Additionally, I am a firm believer that you can’t fool the universe. What you avoid will always find a way to confront you eventually. Your negative feelings can manifest in the people you attract, the situations you find yourself in and so forth. Wouldn’t you rather deal with the temporary discomfort of your feelings instead of taking months/ years to clean up the damage caused by suppressing your feelings? I would choose the first option!

Here are some tips on how to deal with emotional avoidance:

  • Learn to hold yourself when feeling low- What would you say to a child who’s feeling low? You wouldn’t shut them down by saying ‘stay positive’ (well I hope not). You would try to affirm them maybe by saying that ‘it’s okay to be sad, but things will be okay’. Learn to comfort yourself just like you would to a child and assure yourself that things are going to be okay.
  • Breathe- Do some breathing techniques to calm yourself down. You could try the 4-7-8 breathing rule or any other ones that you may find useful.
  • Journal- Write about how you are feeling. Focus on writing down the situation and emotions that cropped up for you. Then write down what methods you can try to make yourself feel better at the moment.
  • Remind yourself of your values- If you haven’t already, write down your values. Are your actions/emotions currently in alignment with the type of person you want to be? This helps you to put things into perspective and reminds you that in the longer-term certain emotions shall pass.

Life comes in cycles. We must become comfortable in seeing our life that way. Some days are harder than others but that’s life. We truly need to have moments of sadness so we can understand and appreciate life and its joys. Acceptance is where you become emotionally healthy and therefore practice self-validation.

A question to you:

Do you avoid negative emotions or embrace them?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

 

Much Love, Ash xx

Goal Setting Planner and Wellness Worksheets

LIFE PLANNER (3)Hello guys,

I have a special surprise for you all.

I have made 14 printable planners and worksheets for FREE to download. Get your  printable PDF worksheets here.

Each sheet is perfectly sized to print in A4 or A5 format.

You can print them on whatever paper you’d like including Matte Finish, Card paper.  

These all-encompassing worksheets are made to help organisation different areas of yourself to meet your personal goals. Worksheets are an amazing tool for self-reflection and exploration. Writing is an excellent tool for personal growth, healing, self-exploration and creative expression.

  1. Short Term Goals
  2. Long Term Goals
  3. Goal Setting
  4. Weekly To Do List
  5. The Gratitude Journal
  6. Challenging Negative Thoughts 1
  7. Challenging Negative Thoughts 2
  8. Trash Thoughts
  9. I Keep My Cup Full
  10. Journal Prompts 1
  11. Journal Prompts 2
  12. Journal Prompts 3
  13. Life Improvement Tips
  14. Life Improvement Checklist

Continue reading “Goal Setting Planner and Wellness Worksheets”

The Gratitude Journal: March 20′

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate (8)

Hello loves,

We made it to another month! This month’s gratitude journal is about action to create the life we truly want to live. Before I get into it, I just wanted to have a moment to express gratitude for life itself. I am grateful for the opportunity to breathe and exist in the world. I am reminded that waking up each morning is not a given. I honour that blessing by striving to be my best self and being unapologetic about who I am. I choose to move in the direction of my life’s purpose even when I’m scared. Even when things don’t go according to plan, I trust in the divine timing of my life and that things will align in a way that’s best for me.

The theme of March is about action. Putting the work into creating the life we want to live. Shifting our mindset from complaining to finding solutions to our problems. It means asking, what action steps can I take address this issue? The time is now to act on manifesting the type of life that we want to create. The time is now to live every single day in alignment with our life’s purpose. Even if some days look like a crawl, we are being called to be in movement. Taking action doesn’t always require grand gestures. It can look like research, creating your first design or even going to a networking event. The most important thing is that we are in movement.

How long are you going to keep your brilliant ideas to yourself? We wait for the right time to execute ideas and continue to prolong taking action when the majority of the time, there’s nothing to wait for. We hold ourselves back from potential failures. I’d rather fail forward knowing that I tried, than hold onto an idea that the world didn’t even get to a chance to see. I say do it anyway. Keep moving, even if you are petrified.

I wish you all a blessed month ❤

Question to you: 

What are you grateful for this month?

Love Ash, xx

Accountability.

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It’s so much easier to identify the unhealthy behaviour in others than within ourselves. Be brave enough to look within yourself, acknowledge what’s there and begin to address it. Be compassionate with yourself in the process. Taking accountability for your actions, behaviours and situation is the first step to becoming the victor of your own story.

I believe that it’s important to take an inventory of your life from time to time. These are some questions that you can ask yourself:

Is your criticism or judgement of others, a reflection of your own insecurities?

What unhealthy behaviour traits do you want to let go of?

What is my current situation teaching me?

What lessons do I need to revisit?

What does taking accountability in my life look like to me?

Question to you:

Do you take accountability for your actions?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Also, follow me in Pinterest: ashalvesblog

Love Ash, xx

 

Side effects of overextending yourself

Do you constantly put the needs of others before your own? Are you often compromising your personal peace to please others?

Too often have I placed the needs of others before my own, often exhausting myself in the process. I believe that helping others is extremely important, however I don’t believe it should leave us feeling burdened, fatigued and under appreciated.

Overextending is when you are putting too much of yourself into a situation, leaving you with less energy to pour into meeting your personal needs. Overextending is often done with the expectation that the person receiving the help will be pleased with the amount of effort you are giving. Chronic people pleasers often make it their personal responsibility to sacrifice their own needs, therefore burdening themselves, in an attempt to serve others.

People pleasers often feel obligated to make the life of others easier. However in an attempt to be caring and helpful, they end up neglecting their true desires to live holistically and prioritize their wellbeing.

These are the signs that you are overextending yourself:

  • Feeling burnt out
  • Not having enough energy to do things for yourself
  • Feeling resentful
  • Running out of resources
  • Potentially feeling used and unvalued
  • Restlessness and fatigue

Tips to help:

Say no more often- Politely decline when people ask for help and you cannot give it. There’s times where we simply don’t have the means/ energy or time to help. You are not obligated to inconvenience yourself to please others. Maybe saying no is the best thing you can say ro the person asking so that they can become more self sufficient. It could even enable them to find the help with someone who is more suited to do so. Be clear and decisive. Your no is valid.

Communicate your needs- If you genuinely want to help someone but may not have the capacity in this moment then communicate a healthy compromise. Tell them what you can help out with or in what deadline.

Surround yourself with people who get it- If you have people who are considerate and respect boundaries, it’s easier to feel comfortable fully expressing your needs and desires. Find people who understand you and won’t consistently put in you a situation you feel uncomfortable with.

Self Reflection- Do you people please because you are scared of disappointing others? Start getting to the root reason why you feel compelled to put others first and your LAST!

Affirmations:

“My needs are valid and important”

“Before I check in on others, I need to first check in on myself”

“People who have my best interest at heart will find it in them to respect when I can’t extend my hand to them, in times when i need me the most”

Questions to you:

Do you overextend yourself often?

How are you looking after your own needs first?

Much love, Ash xx

The Gratitude Journal; Feb 2020

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate (3)

In the wake of the recent death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter, it bought to people’s attention the fragility of life itself. We shy away from talking about death because it’s associated with pain, grief and loss. When a death occurs, it often puts things into perspective. You begin to think about how much people in your life mean to you.

I think we should welcome more conversations around death. It’s a human reality and part of the cycle of life. Life has no meaning without death. When we talk about death we open ourselves up to healing around our deceased loved ones. Our thirst for consumerism and fast paced living within capitalist culture makes it difficult to talk about the reality of death.

We need to talk about death so we can begin to experience death as a completion of life as a opposed to a loss of one. Death puts things into perspective and reminds us of the importance of moving in the path of creating the best lives for ourselves. It reminds us that we can’t allow our fears and insecurities to get in the way of living a joyful, loving, success, abundant life.

By acknowledging our eventual demise, we begin to have a new found appreciation for time and all forms of life around us. The thought that we are simultaneously dying whilst we are living means we are able to center ourselves, be our desired forms, manifest abundance in this life whilst we have it. You begin to live those moments with friends family. You allow a culture where we are able to mourn death of loved ones without feeling like the world has left them behind. You begin to life consciously in the now.

RIP Kobe Bryant, his Daughter, everyone that died in the crash & many more people who passed at such a young age.

Questions for Personal Reflection: 

What would I do if I knew I had limited amount of time on this earth?

What contribution do I want to make on this earth?

If you were to die, what would matter the most to you?

What do you want to be remembered for?

Question to You:

What are you grateful for this month?

I would love to start a conversation around this topic.

Let me know your thoughts!

Love Ash xx

The importance of Self-Forgiveness

Have you forgiven yourself for your past mistakes? Or are you still holding onto what you wish you’d done differently?

Living in a constant state of guilt is tormenting. Your mind replays what you did wrong and how things could have been different. It leads to self-sabotage and negative self-talk. You can believe that you are not good enough for certain positive experiences because you weren’t able to change what happened. We may overcompensate to fix the issue but the thoughts still linger in our mind about how we messed up.

Guilt takes away our ability to practice self-compassion. You may end up using harsh words towards yourself as a form of punishment. Inflicting pain onto others somehow justifies ill-treatment towards ourselves to even the plain field.

At some point in our life, we might do something that causes harm (intentionally or unintentionally) to others. Having to deal with the reality that our actions have contributed to someone else’s pain is a hard pill to swallow. Forgiving oneself is a practice of self-preservation, kindness, compassion, and love. It’s a commitment that despite your mistakes, you will not give up on yourself.

 

 

 

The guilt arises when our actions are out of alignment with our values. If you value being kind, honest and respectful to others, being deceitful and malicious created an internal conflict. We know better but chose not to at that moment. Carrying guilt stops you from practicing self-redemption. We all can change, even when our actions are seen as ‘unforgivable’ in society’s standards.

Often the thing that we don’t forgive ourselves for, we would forgive others doing the same thing. Be willing to offer yourself the same level of compassion that you would to a friend.  If you believe you have changed, you don’t need to hold yourself hostage to mistakes that were committed by an old version of you. If you had known what you knew now, you wouldn’t have done what you did- you made choices in the past at the level consciousness you had at the time. You know better now. Be willing to see this situation differently. Your mistakes have given you clarity about the type of person you want to be and the situations you will avoid next time.  Some life lessons are harsh but necessary to become a better version of ourselves. 

How to Forgive Yourself: 

Be honest with yourself

What situation do you hold guilt about? Have an honest conversation with yourself about what you feel guilty/ shame about and how it makes you feel.

Admit your messed up

Self-acceptance is a practice of self-love. You need to accept that you messed up and take full accountability for that situation. 

Practice self-compassion

Check if you are missing something. Did you know everything about a situation at hand or was you not in the mind frame to comprehend the harm you caused? Was fear one of the reasons why you made the decision you did? Offer yourself some compassion for not knowing what you know now.

Apologise to anyone who you hurt

Take a risk and contact the person you hurt and apologise. Tell them exactly what actions you take accountability for and why. However, don’t hold onto the expectation that they will be forgiving. Give the person space to express their feelings and don’t go on the defensive. If you are struggling with forgiving yourself for allowing someone else to inflict pain onto you, maybe write an ‘I’m sorry for’ letter to yourself.

Write yourself an apology

Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself.

Give yourself time

It’s okay to feel guilty for what you did. When a situation happens it’s difficult to move on especially if it’s life-altering. Give yourself the time and space to let go of the past. Start by being more present every day and reminding yourself of why you deserve to self-forgiveness.

 

 

Quotes of Self Forgiveness:

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know until you lived through it. Honour your path. Trust your journey. Learn, grow, evolve, become.” – unknown.

“Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what now seems so obvious in hindsight”- Judy Belmont

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives”- unknown

You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. – Louise L. Hay

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” — Maya Angelou

“I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than him.” – C. S. Lewis

 

Discomfort- A shift is happening

Hey guys,
I hope you are having a blessed 2020 so far. I wanted to share my thoughts some of my thoughts with you. January has been great so far but I’ve been feeling very uncomfortable. Am I the only one or have you been feeling the same?
I feel like there’s a universal shift going on and we are being forced to make changes. Old ways of thinking and being no longer serve a purpose in our lives. We are being called to let go of things, people, patterns that no longer add value to our lives. We are being called to look into the foundations we have built over time and reconstruct what no longer works.
We are feeling more uncomfortable doing things that we once we accepted and possibly enjoyed. We are being called to let go of those excuses that kept us away from our true lives calling. We are being called to hold ourselves more accountable.
Sometimes we have to go through discomfort for a better version of us to emerge. Don’t give up in this period of discomfort. Hold on and trust the process. What is coming will be grander than what’s past.
Question to you:
What are you being called to let go of and embrace in this new year?
Would love to hear your personal reflections!
Love Ash, xx

The Gratitude Journal: Jan 2020

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New year. New Decade. New Beginning.

We have entered a new decade. Who knows what it’s going to bring? The only thing we know for sure is that we can do our best to make this year the best one possible!

The time is now to go after our hearts true desires. Yes, it’s going to be difficult and there’s going to be tough moments. When faced with adversity, we should choose to use it as fuel to go after our heart’s desires. We make a choice this year to step fully into our power and use every failure as a stepping stone to achieving our greatest victory.

We go full force into our creative endeavours. We let go of our need to self-sabotage and we reclaim the magic within us. We unapologetically show up in the world and demand respect. We aim to do things daily that are in alignment with our best interests and move us closer towards our goals. We choose to surround ourselves with loving friendships. We get up close and personal with our shadow side and do the personal work to become a better person. This year is not only about learning but also about remembering the lessons from the past to create a brighter future.

We are being called to go beyond what is comfortable to achieve greatness and to fulfil our purpose on this earth. Allow yourself to fly in 2020.

Question to you:

What are you looking forward to this year? 

I hope you have a blessed New Year ❤

Love Ash, xx