Author: Ash

Hello, my name is Ash aka recovering pessimist. Welcome to my blog! This site to all things Wellness & Lifestyle. Join me on my journey as I attempt to untangle my thoughts through writing. Love Ash, x

How to strengthen your Intuition

Featured ~ Ash ~ 6 Comments

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Have you ever received a nudge to do something or follow a path that you knew was in your best interest? From time to time, you may receive a deep, unexplainable inner knowing that you’re being led towards something that’s in your greater good. I believe as humans we all posses inner wisdom and if we allow ourselves to listen close enough, we can hear our intuition guiding and supporting us.

“When you begin to tap into your inner world, you will find hidden gems that provide you with the knowledge you need to move forward in the right direction.”

Your intuition helps you to navigate through life experiences. It directs you on your life path and helps you to make decisions that align with your higher self. It helps to protect you from circumstances, peoples, situations that lower your vibration and take you off your divine life path.

Your intuitive message can come through a physiological response like goose bumps or receiving a gut instinct. You could also feel strong energy towards certain words, or receive a message in your mind or within your surroundings that are calling for your attention.

How do you discern whether it’s your intuition speaking or fear? 

Sometimes our gut feeling can be our body responding to trauma and fear. An example of this looks like receiving feeling anxious about speaking on stage and experiencing thoughts telling us not to do it. The fear of public speaking may be rooted in general nerves associated with coming out of your comfort zone or perhaps a core belief that you’re not good enough.

Your intuition isn’t based on fear. Your intuition is a deep inner knowing and often comes out of nowhere. It’s not something that overthinks and it’s not self-critical. Intuition comes with a pleasant sensation, whereas fear negatively affects your body and mind. When your thoughts are over analysed and intellectualised, it’s typically not your intuition.

Tips on how to strengthen your intuition:

  • Spend some time alone- Solitude helps you to decipher the thoughts of others from your own. When you aren’t distracted, it allows you to get intimate with your thoughts. The more time you spend with yourself, the more you will be able to differentiate whether your intuition is talking to you.
  • Write down your likes, dislikes, needs, and desires- When you are clear on who you are, you are more equipped to discern what is for your best interest and what is not. When you have a better knowledge of your life, your intuitive thoughts will make themselves known to you. Additionally, you will feel profound peace when you’re being guided towards a path that will lead you to greater personal joy and abundance.
  • Write down your thoughts- Write down your thoughts and what signs you are receiving. When you get into the habit of writing down your thoughts and feelings, it will help you to clear your mind so that it’s ready at any time to receive a message.
  • Meditate frequently- Meditation is an excellent tool to quieten the mind and become present. It helps us to ease our nervous system and reduces overthinking.
  • Go into nature- Going on walks in nature is an excellent way to be present and become one with your surroundings. It helps to cleanse your energy and let go of any emotional blockages. The more you feel connected to nature, the clearer your intuition may become.

A question to you:

Do you know the difference between your intuition and fear?

I would love to hear from you!

P.S, I have been away for a while but I’m happy to be back to connect with you all. Quarantine has been very hectic for me which has caused me to neglect my blog. Let me know how you’re doing.

Holding Yourself Accountable

Featured ~ Ash ~ 5 Comments

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (22)

Do you know someone who just cannot seem hold themselves accountable for their actions? Or is that person you? They convince themselves that they did nothing wrong and even see themselves as victims to the actions of others.

Holding yourself accountable forces you to see how you may have contributed to an undesirable outcome or how your actions may be the reason why a certain event transpired. This may be scary for some which is why people find it easier to shift the blame or victimise themselves. People avoid holding themselves accountable because it would mean having to take a step back to look at the undesirable parts of our actions and take responsibility. 

This poses the threat (though it doesn’t need to) to how we perceive ourselves. For example if you identify as a kind person, but do something that’s unkind, you may feel like you’re not living up to who you are. The labels we identify with ‘kind, empath, family person, great lawyer’ etc, make us feel pressured to live up to their expectations. When we fall sort of the expectations we impose on ourselves, we may find ourselves feeling guilty, worthless and unable to separate what we did from who we are.

Holding yourself accountable doesn’t have to threaten your identity. You don’t have to feel like a ‘bad person’ because you had a lapse in judgement. Making a mistake doesn’t mean that you ARE your mistake. Your identity expands beyond what you’ve done wrong.

Holding yourself accountable isn’t synonymous with self blame. You don’t deserve to punish yourself because you got something wrong. It’s about recognising that you made a lapse in judgement and acknowledging the role you played in the situation.  

Reasons why holding yourself accountable is important:

  • It allows you to take your power back- By holding yourself accountable, you are recognising what you have control over and thus empowering yourself to make better changes. When you stay in victimhood, it makes it harder to recognise what you need to do differently to ensure you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
  • It allows you to be your higher self & experience soul growth- Your higher self recognises how powerful you are. It advocates for you to make decisions that are in your higher interest. When you hold yourself accountable, you align with your higher self which allows for the best version of you to emerge.
  • It helps to validate other people’s feelings- When you hold yourself accountable, you remove some of the blame from others. It’s only fair in situations where you participated in a situation going sour that you acknowledge the role you played. By holding yourself accountable, it helps other people in their journey to self-forgiveness.
  • It helps you to lead a more satisfying life- Accountability helps us to realise that we are co-creators of our reality. Therefore, if we want to change our lives, we have to use the power that we possess to make changes so that we experience joy and abundance.

To grow and develop as a person, you need to hold yourself accountable for your actions. When you are accountable, you begin to take an active role in living a fulfilling life. You pour into all areas of your life that need improving because you recognise that you have the power to do so. To experience real joy, you’ve got to be brave enough to hold yourself accountable.

Questions to You:

  1. Do you hold yourself accountable?
  2. Why is it important to hold yourself accountable?

 

Benefits of being Vulnerable

~ Ash ~ 8 Comments

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Have you ever opened up to someone only to have your trust broken? When you’ve experienced being hurt by someone you trusted, it can be difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable again. To protect ourselves from being hurt, we may end up putting up a wall to guide our hearts.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” -Brene Brown

You can’t predict the outcome or control other people’s actions. There’s always going to be a risk of things not working out when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you let go of your protective wall, you could find yourself nurturing a deep emotional connection with others.

Confession time! I have a difficult time trusting others. When I get close to people, my initial reaction is to guard parts of myself. Recently I decided to open myself up to someone about how I was feeling and what was bothering me. It felt like a release to speak without a filter and share my truth. Shortly after our conversation, I regretted how vulnerable I was on the phone. It triggered my trust issues. I immediately questioned whether they’d tell others about what I disclosed or use it against me. After doing some reflecting for a couple of days, I realised that I can’t control other people’s actions. As long as I showed up as my authentic self and opened myself up to potentially making a connection, that’s all that matters.

Benefits of Vulnerability

Allows you to be your authentic self- Allowing yourself to be vulnerable isn’t all about the potential connection you can make. Vulnerability allows you to show up as your authentic self. It’s an opportunity to honour who you are and your story.

Demonstrates courage- Being vulnerable is a sign of courage because despite not knowing the outcome, you decided to leap of faith.

You can learn about yourself- Vulnerability teaches us lessons about ourselves. When it doesn’t work out, you can learn from your experiences. It may teach you a greater lesson about yourself or that person, which will ultimately help you to navigate our future challenges.

So in conclusion, be vulnerable. Express the fullness of who you are. You may get hurt by the wrong people but it won’t be the end of the world. You will find people who will respect you.

Question to you:

  1. What are your thoughts on vulnerability?
  2. Why do you think it’s important to be vulnerable?

 

Let me know your thoughts!

Love, Ash x 

Be clear about Who You Are!

~ Ash ~ 11 Comments

Hey loves,

It’s been a few weeks since I stopped by. I’m attempting to balance other priorities whilst giving myself space for my creative expression without imposing a deadline. I’m giving myself permission to go off schedule. We are still in a pandemic. I’m letting go of the idea that I need to constantly produce content to feel valued and worthy. I miss posting but these breaks have allowed me the space to nurture other creative endeavours.

Anyways back to the purpose of this post. We’ve only got 6 months left until the end of 2020. I feel like there’s a global shift of consciousness happening right now in the wake of Covid-19 and Black Lives Matter. One of the main lessons I learned over the past couple months is that life is short. It’s time to let go of expectations of how we should or shouldn’t live. It’s time to stop silencing ourselves about oppression and speak up. Life is too short to be straggling the fence and playing it safe.

There’s no more time to stay in the shadows, going through like trying to please everyone. It’s time to use your voice to stand for something, whether that’s publicly or privately. It’s time to align your actions with what you stand for. It’s time to let go of these facades that we’ve been holding onto for protection. You won’t be for everyone. Stop trying to be! ⠀
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It’s 2020!! You need to start getting clear about the following:

  1. Who are you? ⠀
  2. What do you stand for?⠀
  3. What causes do you align yourself with?

Of course your answers are going to shift overtime as you find new ways to redefine yourself. However you need to start getting clear about who you are right now. When you don’t know YOU, you will lose yourself trying to be for everyone. ⠀

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A Gentle Reminder:

Anyone who doesn’t respect who you are doesn’t deserve you. ⠀
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Anyone who relies on your silence to make them feel comfortable doesn’t deserve you. ⠀
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Anyone who tried to diminish your accomplishments doesn’t deserve you. ⠀

 

Question to you:

  1. What are you grateful for?⠀

 

Love Ash, xx

Healing is a Social Justice Issue

Featured ~ Ash ~ 27 Comments

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Within a society that is anti-wellness, it’s not enough to avoid talking about social justice issues. Healing is more than just self-love quotes and breathing exercises. It’s a deep introspective look into the social ills that are the causes of people’s pain and distress.

“We have to talk about liberating minds as well as liberating society” – Angela Davis

How does one become their ‘best version’ when they are faced with physical state violence that threatens their right to self-determination? How do you tell someone who lives with the threat of being stopped and searched or even killed by the police based on the colour of their skin that they are ‘in control of their reality’? If healing is about overcoming something that has had an impact on your mental well-being, then we must talk about the root causes. When we talk about healing, it’s not enough to speak only on codependency, boundaries, manifestation, confidence and so forth. We have to consider how economic inequality, racism, imperialism, and patriarchy impacts people’s emotional, mental and physical well-being.

Examples of Societal issues impacting one’s Mental Health:

Institutional Racism 

A black person constantly being stopped by the police and experiencing unfair treatment within the judicial system based on the colour of their skin. Being accused of things you did not do and being labelled a criminal or perpetrator when they are not the perpetrators of violence. This is institutional racism.

Capitalism.

Growing up poor and not being able to afford necessities. A poor child in school can’t afford to go on school trips, gets picked on because they don’t have the latest clothes. Parents have to be at work all the time to keep a roof over their head which results in the child being neglected physically and emotionally. The child grows up with self-esteem issues because of their circumstances. This is capitalism.

Patriarchy 

Having to watch what you wear in public in case you give men the perception that you want their attention. Being questioned whether you’re competent enough to be in a management position because you’re a woman. This is patriarchy.

A young boy being told that crying is a sign of weakness so decides to hide his feelings and suffer in private. Growing up angry and not knowing why. Internalising his feelings of self-hate and anger towards the world. This patriarchy.

Imperialism 

A person suffers from PTSD because of drone strikes. They experience disturbed sleep and flashbacks of relatives dying. Others in their situation have become refugees and experience xenophobia in the new countries where they reside. They battle with their mental health problems on top of being ostracised by society. This is imperialism.

 

Why it’s important to talk about social justice issues?

All of these issues restrict people’s right to self-determination and actualisation. They break a person’s spirit and bring a sense of hopelessness. Healing is something that all humans should do and it’s not limited to people who are interested in personal development. To move individuals towards self-empowerment and healing, we need to acknowledge and validate other people’s struggles. We need to hold institutions accountable for their role in producing an unwell society.

We are all citizens of the world and I believe it is our responsibility to speak out against injustice and do our part in creating a better world. You don’t need to protest to make a difference. You can use your platform, you can educate people around you, you can do community work that helps uplift and elevate others.

 

Journal Prompts:

1. Are you avoiding talking about social justice issues?

2. What ways can you educate yourself on the struggles of black and brown people?

3. How are you contributing to uplifting and empowering your community?

 

Question to you:

What are your thoughts?

I’d love to know what you think!

 

Love Ash, xx

The Gratitude Journal: June 20′

~ Ash ~ 3 Comments

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate (6)

It’s June,

I’m so grateful to be alive, experiencing a new month. I’m thankful that despite being in a pandemic, I have remained safe and so have the people around me. I know that blessing is not afforded to everyone. 

I wish I could be ecstatic about this upcoming month but we are currently in a crisis right now. Not only are we still experiencing the Covid-19 pandemic and seeing people die at exponential rates, but we are also witnessing a global awakening to institutional racism and structural oppression.

I’m sick and tired of seeing black bodies being killed. This issue has existed for over 500+ years. Despite the changes and transitions, the root problem still exists. Inequality has not disappeared because we never dismantled the systems that continue to perpetuate the issue. Change won’t come from within the system. We need to start again, nationally, and globally.   

Even though this period is very distressing, there are things you can do to actively make a difference.

Here’s a list of things you can do:

 

Write- Release your anger, rage, sadness, and disappointment on paper

Self-care- Meditate, connect to nature, take a bath, read a book, watch a series, paint

Action- Donate to a cause, create change in your community, educate yourself & others

Energy cleansing- Cleanse your energy through dancing, long walks, prayer or exercising

 

I hope you all remain safe and have a great month. 

Black lives Matter! 

Love Ash, xx 

How to Overcome Feeling Envious at someone else’s Success

Featured ~ Ash ~ 20 Comments

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Does other people’s success trigger feelings of inadequacy? You may find that you are genuinely happy for them but can’t seem to stop thinking about what’s going wrong in your life.

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all gone through a period where we’ve been unhappy or unsatisfied with how things are going in our lives. Confronting our insecurities can be difficult especially when we live in an age of highlight reels. As much as you may try to focus on your journey, it’s easy to get caught up in what other people are doing especially in the age of the internet.

Let’s be real, it can get frustrating when you see other people achieving successful milestones that you want to achieve, especially when you feel like you work hard. I’ll give you an example; you might be applying for countless jobs only to be met by rejection after rejection then suddenly you find out that your friend landed a massive offer in a company you wanted to work for. This can crop up feelings of comparison, inadequacy, and jealously.

It doesn’t make you a bad person if you are battling with negative feelings towards your friend. This indicates that you have personal insecurities that you need to address. You can change how you feel but you have to first become aware of your feelings so that you don’t project your insecurities onto others.

It’s easy to demonise people who find themselves envious at others. I believe that we need to remove those stigmas so we can have more honest and open conversations. The more authentic we are, the better chance we have of healing and creating healthier relationships. Some people genuinely want to celebrate other people’s successes but they find themselves battling with their insecurities.

If you are feeling envious, it’s not okay to:

  • Undermine someone else’s success to make yourself feel better
  • To undercut their success by copying them
  • To throw shade

Equally, it’s okay to:

  • Not feel super ecstatic about their achievements

How to cope when your friend’s success triggers you:

1. Journal- Write down your thoughts and ask yourself the following: How do I feel? What is this situation cropping up for me? What accomplishments have I made? What action steps can I achieve my goals? Or do I need to be more patient and trusting? Get to the route cause of the issue and find a solution to your problem.

2. Celebrate it- If you see that someone’s doing something you love, celebrate it. Tell them how happy you are for them and how much of a major accomplishment it is. Don’t keep quiet- that’s negative and bad energy. Even if your feelings don’t match your words, you are putting out the intention that you want to feel more of those positive feelings towards them. Additionally, making someone else feel good about their accomplishments might even make you feel better.

3. Weekly reminders- Go over your long term goals every week. This is a great reminder of where you are heading and why. When you are clear about the direction that your life is going, it becomes less important about the speed.

Reminders when feelings envious at other people’s success:

Your time will come- Just because it hasn’t happened for you yet doesn’t mean it won’t. If you keep working hard & smart, it’s almost inevitable that you will reap the benefits. Keep focusing on your vision & express gratitude for where you are now.

Gain peace with the present- You are where you been to be right now. There are still lessons that need to be learned, what that has to be done to get to where you want to be. There are still so many things you can be grateful for in your life. Don’t get caught up in another person’s journey that you can’t see the blessings in yours.

Managing expectations- Maybe your expectations for yourself are too harsh. Give yourself time to accomplish your goals and take into consideration other obstacles that may get in the way.

See the lessons- There’s always a lesson that can be learned. How can you learn from what they did? Where they in contact with certain people? Do you need to make those connections? Look at the action steps behind their success. Their success may have been a result of their hard work. What can you adopt (of course in YOUR way)?

A question to you:

What advice would you give someone who’s struggling with this?

I’d love to hear from you!

Love, Ash x 

A Gentle Reminder: You are Valuable

~ Ash ~ 13 Comments

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Sending you a gentle reminder to you all today, 🌻

You can’t wait for others to see your worth for you to recognise that it’s inherent within you. You were born worthy, valuable and enough. You don’t need to do more, accomplish more, be more or less of anything to be valuable.

Give yourself permission to live by your terms, on your conditions regardless of what others think. The people who are meant for you will recognise how worthy you are.

I hope you are all doing well and staying safe during this period ❤

Question to you:

How are you currently coping with quarantine?

 

Love & Light, Ash x

Side Effects of Holding onto Resentment

Featured ~ Ash ~ 26 Comments

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Do you currently feel resentful towards someone? Resentment typically arises when we feel an injustice has been committed towards us. A person who feels resentful may have felt personally attacked and subsequently allowed a grudge to fester. It’s common to hold resentment, however, when left unaddressed over a long period of time, it can become intoxicating and have a negative impact on a persons well being.

Resentment is a mental resistance to, a non-acceptance of, something which has already happened … an emotional rehashing, or re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible–change the past.- Maxwell Maltz

One of the reasons why we hold onto resentment is in hopes that we never forget how they hurt us. We use the pain they inflicted on us as a memo to not get ourselves into a similar situation with that person or others again. Holding a grudge gives us comfort knowing that we never let them off the hook for what they did to us.

Additionally, we may have been accustomed to hold resentment as a tool for survival. Initially, it served the purpose of remembering potential dangers that can harm us. It helped us to create a blueprint in our minds of what to look out for and what not to expect.

It’s okay to mourn the lack of love you received from your parents or being overlooked by people you deeply admired. You don’t need to feel bad for holding a grudge. It’s difficult to forgive people for doing you wrong. When we trust someone and they do us wrong, it can have a huge impact on our ability to let our guard down with that person and others again.

What you Need to know about Resentment:

It hurts you more than it hurts the other person

You holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You end up spending precious time angry over something the other person may have already let go of.

You forget that people are human and are capable of change

 This, of course, doesn’t apply for all cases where you were abused or hurt by others, but in some instances, we hold anger towards people who have the capacity and willingness to change. When we hold resentment towards others, we are holding people hostage to our expectations of how they should and shouldn’t act.

You may be evading the healing process by holding onto resentment for years

 When we focus on what someone else has done to us, we distract ourselves from doing self-introspection. You may need to have an honest conversation with yourself, asking the following questions: Am I still putting these people on a pedestal? Where can I take accountability and ownership for what happened? If it was not my fault (young/ low self-esteem/ vulnerable) then maybe you can ask yourself something like; How can I practice forgiving myself for blaming me for what others did? Be honest about the healing work that needs to be done within you.

Why you must Let Go of Resentment:

You cannot control the behaviour of others

As much as we may try, we can’t control other people’s behaviours. Holding resentment will not change that person. They won’t be shamed into making any changes unless they decide to do that for themselves.

People are simply reflecting their level of consciousness

The person/people that hurt you are reflecting what they think about themselves. People have a different value system and they are just reflecting what they think is right/wrong. People causing you harm says more about them, not about you.

You deserve happiness

You deserve freedom and that is your birthright. You deserve to experience love and the wholeness of life. You deserve to let go of your personal freedom and well being. Resentment is poison for the body and takes up space which can be used to love yourself.

A Question to You:

Do you hold resentment? 

How did you let go of your anger towards someone?

I would love to hear your thoughts

Love Ash, xx