Do you attract what you are? Let’s talk!

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You are all probably familiar with the famous line “You attract what you are”. I remember the first time hearing this line used when I was younger and not resonating with it. My thought process was “So I don’t love myself, does that mean I will attract people who treat me badly?”. I couldn’t resonate with it because at the time I didn’t love myself but at the same time, did not feel like this justified being mistreated by others. I felt like this quote lead to victim blaming, rather than putting the agency and accountability onto the person who has done the mistreating.

When I started my self-discovering journey, I began to see this same line crop up consistently whilst I was looking at how to better myself.  Funnily enough, I didn’t feel as disconnected with the words as I previously did. Over a period of months, I delve into my teenage years to figure out any patterns that had contributed to my peak depression after I graduated. I wanted to start forming healthy, fulfilling relationships with others but I first had to figure out where the break down began in this department of my life. Through this reflection, I was noticing a direct correlation between my lack of self-love and types of relationships I accepted.

My lack of self-love and acceptance showed up in a multitude of ways.  I noticed certain people in my life would feel comfortable speaking to me the way I talked to myself. For example; I would say stuff like ‘I’m dumb’ and people around me would be comfortable using the same language towards me. My lack of self-love showed up in what I accepted from others. My need to please others lead to people taking advantage of me because they assumed I would just ‘handle’ it. The negative relationship I had with myself made me comfortable being bitchy, jealous towards my friends. I felt a lack of self-love and this showed up in the way people treated me and how I treated others.

Lisa Nichols- “Your job is to be the first example of how the world is supposed to love and treat you. It’s your job to give the world the best example possible. The people in your life will follow your example on how they get to treat you.”

Quote from Lisa Nichols book: Abundance Now

It became very clear during my self-love journey that treating myself badly made people feel comfortable in treating me the same way. When I started to affirm, love and redefine myself to become my best version, I was forced to change the conditions of my relationships. I was no longer was willing to accept being mistreated. I began to heal myself and be real about my own toxicity which naturally helped me stop projecting my toxicity onto others. As a result, I began to attract loving, healthy relationships into my life. This revelation has bought me so much peace and completely redefined my relationship with myself and the way I treat others.

I have definitely grown a greater understanding and appreciation for this old saying. However whilst I now agree with it I still don’t believe in victim shaming. I adamantly believe that we are entitled to love in its highest capacity even at times when we don’t quite love ourselves. I don’t believe that anyone is deserving of ill-treatment simply because they treat themselves badly. The way people treat us has much more to say about them than it does about us.

There are people suffer from debilitating mental health and/or self-esteem issues. It may take some people years to start truly loving or start accepting themselves. I don’t feel like this means that they should have people around them to meet them where they are at. When I had people treating me badly, I didn’t think I deserved it and I don’t think anyone does simply because they don’t love themselves. I don’t encourage a culture of blame. I think it’s important to be compassionate and treat others respectfully.

To end, it’s so important that you are good to people and take accountability for your mistreatment of others. Ask yourself more whether you’d want to be treated in the way you’re treating others. I want to create a conversation around this question, so I’d love to hear your thoughts or your experiences. I am still in the process of learning and my opinion on this topic is subject to change. This is my understanding thus far and I am still in the early stages of my self-love journey so I’d love to know your thoughts.

A Question to you: 

Do you think that you are what you attract?

Thank you for reading!

 

Much Love, Ash xx

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Hey! Back from a Mini Break

Heyyy all 😊,

I don’t know about you but this May has been so intense! I’ve been feeling a multitude of emotions and have experienced some deep revelations. My internal world is shifting- for the better. The full moon has just moved to Scorpio but I’ve felt the need to release, cleanse and address some unwanted energy all month. I’ve been doing a lot of personal writing. I think when you get so used to blogging publicly you tend to censor yourself in some way. This month I’ve allowed myself to write unfiltered and just for my eyes only.

This personal development work is so tough at times right? My intuition has pulled me towards delving into my childhood and teen years, forcing me to finally make peace with certain things that I’ve experienced. Sometimes we think we’ve gotten over something but end up being triggered later in life. Lately when I feel triggered I’ve sat with it and gotten to the root of the issue. I am working currently on making peace with my pain.

Did I tell you that I live by myself? Well that’s added a whole layer of intensity to this month. My partner stays with me occasionally but he lives in another city so I spend most of my time alone unless I am with my friends. I always thought I was comfortable being alone but being by yourself with no one else in the house is a whole other level of intensity. I’ll be honest, I am still getting used to it. I have cried, felt lonely and scared. But over the past week or so I’ve been alone and felt so much peace. I know this is bringing me greater self acceptance and the opportunity to truly appreciate my own company.

So yeah this month has been so intense for me hence my absence from the blogging world. Also I am happy to announce that I will be doing a workshop in London called Challenging Low Self-Esteem on June 1st. So excited to finally talk publicly about something that is so dearest to me. Planning and preparing for that workshop has also occupied my time . Anyhoo I have a blog post coming out this Sunday so keep an eye out!

Questions to you: 

How are YOU doing today?

What is your mental health like today?

 

Love always, Ash xx

 

The Gratitude Journal: May 19′

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate (1)

Happy May guys!

I wanted to send out a humble reminder for this month-

In a world where we are constantly told that we need to change who we are in order to fit into societies standard of success and importance, it can be difficult to resist succumbing to everyone else’s expectations. I want to remind you that it is your birthright to be yourself. You don’t need to mould yourself into someone else in order to please others. The people who are meant to be on your journey will show up for you. Claim your space and follow your dreams. You have something special to offer this world and it is precisely your uniqueness that makes you so valuable. There is no other version of you and that is your superpower!

A Note to Self:

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Have a blessed month ❤

Questions to you:

What are you grateful for this month?

What are you looking forward to?

Much love Ash, xx

Printable Planners and Worksheets 2019

 

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Hey loves,

I have made 10 printable planners and worksheets for only £1! Purchase your own printable PDF worksheets here. 

Each sheet is perfectly sized to print in A4 or A5 format.

You can print them on whatever paper you’d like including Matte Finish, Card paper.  

This document consists of 10 worksheets:

  1. Short team Goals- List your short term goal and 6 mini goals to help you achieve it.
  2. Long Term Goals- List your long term goal and 6 mini goals to help you achieve it.
  3. Gratitude Journal- List things you’re grateful for and what you’re learning from your struggles
  4. I Keep my Cup full- Fill up the cup with empowering words about yourself
  5. Challenging Negative Thoughts 1- Debunking Negative Thoughts
  6. Challenging Negative Thoughts 2- Debunking Negative Thoughts
  7. Trash Thoughts- Letting go of Negative Thoughts that no longer serve you
  8. My Daily Planner- Plan your day with the Daily Planner
  9. Weekly to Do List- Plan your week with the Weekly Planner
  10. Goal Setting- List your Goal and 5 steps to help you achieve it. Get more specific about your start/end date of when you’d like to achieve your goal.

These worksheets are Perfect for ALL types of people, especially those who are:

  • Currently working on a project
  • Looking to get more organised
  • Struggle with Negative Self-Talk
  • Wanting to Journal

These all-encompassing worksheets are made to help organisation different areas of yourself to meet your personal goals. Worksheets are an amazing tool for self-reflection and exploration. You will find a note on each page to help guide you through the activities worksheets if you need extra help.

PURCHASE YOUR WORKSHEETS HERE:
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All payments are made through paypal. Once you made a payment, SEND ME AN EMAIL TO: ashantylisa@gmail.com and I will send you the DIGITAL DOWNLOAD via email within the next 24 hours. If you experience any issues, please don’t hesitate to email me. 

Don’t forget to hashtag #ashalves on your socials and let me know what you think!

I hope they’re helpful 😊✨

Best, Ash xx

Comparing Yourself to Others: Tips to Help and Affirmations

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Have you ever looked at someone’s social media account and found yourself comparing your life to theirs?  Suddenly your weaknesses are amplified and what you have is not good enough. Or maybe you have that one friend who seems to have it all together and reminds you of all the things you lack in your life.

Yes, I’ve been there! Plenty of times actually. Unfortunately, it’s something that many people experience and social media has made it even harder to escape this need to compare ourselves. We usually feel comparison the most when we perceive someone else as having something we want. For example: wanting a particular career and constantly seeing Tweets from people celebrating their achievements in that field. This can trigger us into feeling inadequate and lead us to wonder if it’s even going to happen for us.

Reasons why we compare ourselves:

  • Unsatisfied with your life
  • You feel like you’re working hard but not getting the results
  • Pressure from society; market capitalism telling us that everything that we lack in life can be remedied by buying products thus causing us to feel like we are always in a deficit
  • Lack of trust in your ability to receive those things someone else has
  • Your definition of success and happiness is based on other people’s perceptions

Sound familiar?

Here’s why you should stop comparing yourself:

Unfairly fleshing out your weaknesses and judging yourself based on someone else’s strengths is unkind and unfair. What you are failing to do in those moments is appreciate the blessings that are currently in your life.  Just because someone has what you want right now doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you eventually. Trust that things will fall into place when the time is right for you. Just do your best and continue to have faith that things will work out eventually. 

You might be comparing yourself to someone else’s middle. We are all at different stages of our journey called life. You never know the hurdles and sacrifices that person went through to get to where they are now. The majority of the time there’s a whole struggle behind what we see.  Even if you think or know that things came easy to a person and it feels like you are constantly struggling to obtain what they have, it’s a waste of time comparing yourself to them. Unfortunately for most of us, things don’t come easy and we have to go through plenty of obstacles to get to where we want to be in life. Don’t make those small examples (even though social media has a way of making them look like the majority) distort your reality. Don’t lose your ability to appreciate where you are now by solely focusing on the next destination.

Practical steps to help you stop comparing yourself:

1. Take social media breaks- I can’t emphasize this enough. Social media is a distorted version of reality with people trying to outdo the other. More importantly, taking breaks is good for your mental health. It makes you realize that there’s a life beyond social media to explore and nurture. Taking breaks allows you to gain an appreciation for the little things in life.

2. Stop yourself when you have negative thoughts- When you find yourself sinking into comparing yourself, say to yourself ‘stop’. grab a pen and paper or even your notes on your phone and answer these questions: 1. What happened to make you feel this way? 2. How do you feel? 3. What can I do to make myself feel better about this? If you do this every time, you will train yourself to deal with those feelings much better when they arise or even let them go completely.

3. Tune out the noise and focus on you- You need to be so focused on what you need to do and appreciate each step of the way that there’s absolutely no room for comparison to derail you. Imagine yourself in a bubble doing whatever makes you happy and pursuing your inner passion- focus on doing that or at least working towards it. Say no to any thoughts or people that ruin that peace.

4. Affirmations- Find affirmations that make you feel better about the insecurities you have about yourself and keep repeating them on a daily basis until you start to feel their positive effect. Affirmations are an excellent way to put things into perspective and give us that reassurance that things will work out fine.

Affirmations:

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone” – Maya Angelou

“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine within their own time” – Unknown

“Admire her beauty without questioning your own” – Ashley Welborne

“Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday”- Unknown

“Comparison is and will always be the thief of all joy.”  Lisa Nichols

 

Questions to You:

Have you ever compared yourself to others?

 

Thanks for reading Love Ash, xx

 

The Gratitude Journal: April ’19

Copy of I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate

Happy April guys!

A gentle reminder for this month- “we are so focused on surviving that we forget that we have survived” – Chanel James

Remember all those times when you thought you wouldn’t make it through yet you survived? All those days when carrying on felt seemingly impossible?

You made it through the hardest times and you are still here! There’s an unspoken power, resilience and courage within you which you needs to be acknowledged and celebrated.

When we are going through a rough patch it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and not see ourselves beyond the pain. In those moment’s remind yourself of your strength. You are a survivor and any obstacle that has come your way you’ve came out of it triumphantly. You have turned clouds into sunny spells. You never gave up on yourself even when you desperately wanted to. You never needed a hero as the person who came to your rescue was you. Any adversity you encounter going forward, I want you to say to yourself “I can handle it- I have before and I will again”.

As you go through the month, take a moment to reflect (maybe write it down) on the hurdles you’ve overcome. Always remember that you are the light at the end of the tunnel and there’s nothing that life throws at you that you can’t handle.

Sending love and light to you this April!

Questions to you:

What are you grateful for this month?

Much Love Ash, xx

Self Care for Workers w/ @amaraamaryah

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For those of us who spend the majority of our day working, it’s often difficult to make the time to practice self-care. Dealing with work, life’s problems ontop of taking care of our own needs can become a tedious task. That’s why it’s fundamental that we have non-negotiable selfcare acts that we can do throughout the day which are accessible, not time consuming and overall improve our well-being!

Me and the lovely @amaraamaryah reflect on acts of self care we do on a daily basis which truly make a positive difference in our lives.

Before we get into it, let me first introduce you to Amara. Amara Amaryah is a UK poet and blogger. Her blog is a platform for intentional living encouragement, travel moments, books shenis reading and poetry she is writing. Amara also uses her blog to document self-care events in the West-Midlands. She has performed her poetry at Heaux Noire, the Black Lives Matter lunchtime conversation with Patrisse Khan-Cullors and at Out-Spoken Ldn Birmingham Book tour and has most recently been selected as a Hippodrome Young Poet.

Amara:

Morning

i like to start every morning differently. every morning starts in prayer, poetry or gratitude. i try and find fresh ways to start the day with one or two acts of self love. sometimes it is waking up to a mug of my favourite tea and a chapter of scripture. another morning it might be laying out my yoga mat for 5 minutes and mini meditation. the next morning it could be as simple as washing my dishes to have a clear sink when i come home. whatever i do, i do it for myself so i can enter the day knowing that i listened to myself first-thing this morning. as part of being intentional about the thoughts i let in first, i try and walk to work without any headphones and i don’t touch instagram until i have reached my desk.

Midday

a confession: i work in an environment where i’m constantly creating content and it makes me think about how i can create content for my own blog/instagram. sometimes lunchtimes are spent writing/planning/creating using apps on my phone. this is something i’m trying to step away from to give my mind a different thinking space for the lunch hour. i think using lunch to get away from a screen is best. leave your phone in a safe place (if you can) and take your book or just go with conversation. i try and enjoy as analogue a lunch as possible. i’m still learning though! also- i try and get outside of the building for fresh air. i rarely spend my lunch at my desk.

aside from this, i think midday affirmations are super important. reminding yourself of the scripture you read in the morning, the podcast you listened to, the text your mum sent back this morning and just speaking over your affirmations for the week is an important part of being present. *a note on if you dislike your job: i know, i’ve been there. at this point in the day it is easy to dream of going home. i recommend bringing something to your desk that motivates you. a mini vision board, a memory, a quote, anything. having something physical on your desk which reminds you why you’re in the job, what you’re saving for and the fact that it is a temporary position can help you through the day.

Evening

Wind-downs are the best. in my new years blog post i wrote about stepping back from excessive selfcare to get more time to create. i think because i practice acts of self-care during the day,i don’t always need to over-do it in the evening. my evening rituals are always small ways to ensure i can start fresh. i’ve learnt not to over-plan for the evening. your 5-9 doesn’t need to exhaust you. plan your evening and allow an hour for time wasting and doing nothing. and then begin creating/working on the blog or whatever you do. a massive part of my self-care practices include writing. i generally set time aside for Journaling and making sense of my thoughts. i don’t follow any plan yet, i usually brain dump. as a poet, i am on a journey to writing 1000 poems in a year so i try and write something every night (or if not every morning).

the final thing i do is forgive. anything negative that has happened to or because of me, i forgive. i believe that we carry our daily worries into our dreams so i try my best to eradicate the heavy thoughts and make space for good ones.

and then i go again the next day. pushing for new ways to love myself.

Ash:

Quick Side note: “Show me your morning routine and I’ll show you how the rest of your day will pan out”. The way you start your day sets precedent over the rest of your day. The mornings are a perfect way to clear any lingering negative thoughts and to start your day with more clarity and peace. The mornings are an excellent way to check in with yourself. I find the mornings my absolute non-negotiable self care routine.

Morning: A typical self care morning ritual to me looks like waking up, praying or reciting affirmations then doing yoga. I use a yoga app and choose one relating to what my body needs at the time. Then I would watch a motivational video whilst I get ready for work. Once I get into work, one of the first things I do to settle into work is make myself a herbal tea/ coffee. Green tea or any other herbal tea is a must for me because of its healing & cleansing properties.

Afternoon: In my job position you don’t get much time for yourself. Like in many industries the focus is on productivity and getting the most out of your working hours. As a response I make an effort to find time for myself in a few ways; taking intentional breaks away from my computer, spending my breaks reading or watching something fun. I also integrate my passion for blogging into my daily routine by writing / jotting notes down in relations to a blog post when I am inspired.

Evening:

My evening self-care practices differ and are relational to my needs and desires at the present moment. It usually consists of making myself a meal, putting on my fairy lights and burning candles burning. I try to make time to exercise, listening to podcasts and music. I focus my energy in enjoyment so listening to stuff unrelated to blogger or work but based on my other interests like Music. I typically end my night by watching something on Netflix or reading a book when I can.

Follow Amara on her socials:

Insta: amara.amaryah

Twitter: amara_amaryah

Pinterest: amaraamaryah

 

Thank you for reading!

 

How do you take care of yourself on a daily basis?

 

What are your self care tips?

 

Love Ash, xx