FEAR OF MISSING OUT: SOCIAL MEDIA WOES

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (8)

 

Have you ever been on social media and saw people having the time of their lives and felt like you were missing out? The fear of missing out aka (FOMO), often derives from feeling like others are experiencing better things than you are. It has become more prevalent in the age of social media where you are constantly paraded with the highlights of other people’s lives.

Social media exacerbates this feeling of missing out. It leads people to compare their ordinary lives to others online who they perceive to be leading more abundant, fulfilling lives. Sites like Instagram and Facebook place emphasis on the reel highlights of someone’s life. People use it as a tool to brag about all the amazing things they are doing, intentionally leaving out all the very normal things that most people experience. This creates space for people to feel envious and dissatisfied with their own life’s.

You suffer from FOMO if you do or feel any of the following:

 

  • Feeling like everyone is having more fun, and experiencing more joy than you
  • Overcompensating by posting content to make you feel better about your life and to convince others that you have it all together
  • Constantly watching what other people are doing and keeping tabs to feel like we are a part of the action
  • Feeling pressured to be visible on social media
  • Feeling like no one can relate their struggles

This fear of missing out can harm people’s self-esteem. It can make us feel like we are not good enough and unfortunate in comparison. The constant wave of picturesque pictures and celebratory statuses can make us ungrateful for the life that we lead.

I think in some way many of us fear missing out. If you are a content creator, the pressure to be constantly visible and produce content can keep us in a constant hamster wheel. I know I’ve felt like I can’t take a social media break or that I must engage in certain conversations in fear of missing my window of opportunity to promote my brand. As humans, we have a desire to be valued and loved. Experiencing joy is fundamental for self-preservation and being a part of something makes us feel less lonely. However, the feeling of missing out leads us to seek validation in unhealthy ways by constantly ‘performing’ online. It brings us back to the very school-like dynamics of feeling left out and trying to fit in.

The reality is even if you were able to acquire the things you envy from others (i.e. a relationship, a great social life or material success), it doesn’t guarantee that your life will be more fulfilled. You may end up in a loving relationship but may not be enough because you lack self confidence. Also, things aren’t always what it seems online. There have been times when I posted myself going out but wasn’t feeling that great about myself. You can’t make assumptions based on what you see online.

If you are suffering from FOMO I want you to remember this: 

People are online showing their reel highlights. We all have them. Comparing ourselves to other people’s highlights is unfair and unkind. You never know what others are going through. All that matters are that your life is in alignment with what you envision for it.

Remember, you get to live life on your terms. Your life is incomparable to others and you slay in your own lane. Nothing can fill a void that’s within you other than you. Find peace and joy within your own life and make a declaration that other people’s lives will not disrupt that peace.

Now over to you! Questions for you: 

Do you suffer from FOMO?

What are your thoughts?

Much love, Ash xx

 

Copyright © 2019 AshAlves All Rights Reserved

Trust Your Timing

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (3)

Do you believe that you’re going to achieve your goals? If so, then why do we get impatient when things are not happening fast enough? Having faith that you will reach your goals is fundamental for achieving success. However, it’s easier said then done when you constantly see other people achieving these amazing things and you are not even close to reaching your goals.

When you’re not where you want to be in life and feel like things aren’t manifesting in the way you envisioned, it can make you lose hope in the process. I think for my generation (18-30’s), there’s a huge amount of pressure to live your “best life” at such a young age. Social Media has played a huge role in the pressure to be successful. On a daily basis, we are constantly reminded of people’s riches and success. We barely see people sharing their struggles. All we see is the finalized ‘image’ of what success looks like and this drives us to feel impatient with our own journeys.

Additionally, social media has afforded people the opportunity to establish themselves and making a living through platforms like YouTube and Instagram. The downside of social media is phenomenon’s like ‘overnight celebrities’ where we’d see people becoming popular and as a result, using their leverage to achieve their financial/business goals. Seeing people reach success almost effortlessly added to the growing impatience some of us feel with our own progress. Reaching instant success is way more appealing than having to put in the work to achieve your goals, so it’s no wonder why many of us find ourselves so impatient.

However social media isn’t entirely to blame for this phenomenon. The desire to want things ‘now’ is also rooted in our economic system. Everything we want is mostly at the click of a button. We live in a consumer society which values instant gratification. The reality is there’s so much pressure and it’s difficult navigating life without feeling like you have to meet certain expectations.

There’s so much pressure…pressure from society, ourselves and others. Therefore when you’re doubting your journey, it’s really important to remind yourself of a few things that will make you feel better.

When you’re doubting yourself and feeling impatient with your journey remind yourself of these 6 things you can do:

1. Stop watching others- The phrase  “Water your own grass” applies perfectly here. You need to be so focused on trying to make your dreams a reality that other people’s success doesn’t make you question yourself. Comparing yourself to what other people are doing is only going to make you feel worse about your progress. Pour all the energy you spend watching other people’s success into your own and watch your seeds blossom into something unimaginable.

2.  Take a step back- Don’t be afraid to take some time out to reflect on your progress. Taking time away to re-strategize helps us see things in a fresh new lens and may give us answers to what is required to achieve your goals. This also helps spark creativity and give you the energy you need to propel forward.

3. Go over your goals- Remember those goals you wrote down? Make it a daily or weekly practice to remind yourself of those short/long term goals. This will help remind you of the bigger picture and give you hope that you can transcend your current obstacles.

4. Celebrate every milestone, even if it’s small- Make it a regular practice to celebrate yourself, even for the little things. For example, say to yourself; “I am proud of myself for posting a new blog post or I’m glad I spoke up at work today because that’s improving my confidence skills”. All those small things should not go unnoticed because a bunch of small victories is what will eventually result in you achieving a bigger goal.

5. Write down your WHY or figure it out (define your purpose)- You need to figure out your intentions behind why you want to achieve that said goal and make it a practice to remind yourself of it every day. Maybe you want to achieve financial freedom because you want to provide for your family or you might really want transform other peoples lives. Whatever is it, reminding yourself of the purpose will help ease you through times of uncertainty.

6. Reach out to others- If you’re feeling low about yourself, reach out to someone. Often times we convince ourselves that we are the only ones going through these struggles. By reaching out to others, it can help put things into perspective and restore confidence in ourselves. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, try finding a support group or a workshop to connect with people who are trying to achieve similar things as you. (or you can always contact me if you need someone to talk to)

Affirmations for Daily Practice:

“What is mine is always for me”

“I trust God’s timing”

“My struggles add character to my success story”

“The universe is aligning right now to work in my favour”

Quote on Trust your Timing:

“Just because it hasn’t happened for me yet doesn’t mean it won’t. There’s always room for me to succeed. It doesn’t matter if someone got there faster than me…what is for me will not miss me. I live by my own timing and will not be rushed by others. I choose long term gratification overnight short time success.” -ashalves

Thank you for reading!

 

Questions to you: Do you have goals that you are working to accomplish?

Do you believe you can achieve it?

 

Love Ash, xx

 

Copyright © AshAlves 2019, All Rights Reserved

January 2019: The Gratitude Journal

I'm thankful, grateful, appreciate (11)

It’s the first month of 2019! I just want to send out a gentle reminder to kick start the year

Every experience of rejection you face brings you closer to yourself. Do you know why? Because it forces you to decide whether to base your worth on that negative experience or use it to strengthen your self-belief. You have two choices in the face of rejection- either you stay knocked down or get back up and try again. Turn all that rejection into a muscle of determination and self-belief. Use it to become ruthless. Knocked down 7 times stand up 8!

Rejection is hurtful, I know, but it’s a part of life. Instead of seeing rejection as your worst enemy, you should see it as the perfect opportunity for personal development. Remember that rejection is leading you towards something more profound.

I will be practising this myself in 2019. I am making a declaration to no longer allow rejection to stop me from pursuing my goals.

Who’s with me? 

Love Ash, xx

 

Copyright © AshAlves 2019, All Rights Reserved

Downplaying Compliments and Low Self-Esteem: A confessional

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (7)

Do you ever receive a compliment and instantly deflect the conversation away from yourself? I can relate. To give myself credit, this past year I have made a conscious effort to accept nice things said about me. However, I still catch myself feeling uncomfortable or deflecting from compliments especially when I receive them in real life.

Just a little background into why I am talking about this topic. I was out one night with a few friends and one of my friends complimented my hair. I began to downplay it and ended up rabbling on about how I purchased the hair. She replied back to me and said: “take the compliment and go”. I was shocked at her abrasiveness but I’m happy that she said it as her words led me to certain revelations that I had not yet realised.

The resistance I feel towards praise stems from many years of low self-esteem. The truth is for a long time I never felt like I was enough and would always find fault in my achievements. When I receive a compliment it’s unfamiliar language to me because I’ve become accustomed to believing my negative self-talk. When I get told nice things I automatically want to respond by saying “are you sure you’re talking about me”. I know that sounds negative but this was my thought process.

Another reason why I don’t respond to praise well is that I hardly celebrate myself. Rarely do I say ‘well done’ or reward me for my accomplishments. For example, I didn’t go to my graduation despite doing very well and being the first in my immediate family to go to university. I didn’t even acknowledge the fact that finally got a new job, one which brings me more joy. Not once did I organize a meal or self-care days to really celebrate my accomplishments.

Another revelation I had was that I’ve somehow conflated self-praise with bragging. I steered away from publicly sharing my accomplishments because I didn’t want to be perceived as showing off. There’s definitely merit in celebrating privately and knowing that we don’t need to be validated externally to feel proud of ourselves. But I think that I was being unnecessarily unkind to myself by downplaying and hiding my achievements from the world. I’m starting to realize that you can be a humble person whilst receiving praise and celebrating yourself openly.

I’m trying each day to tell myself I deserve happiness. I deserve to be complimented. I deserve to receive and believe nice things about me. Irrespective of what I’ve done in the past, right here and now I deserve to be celebrated. Breaking this learned behaviour which I’ve become accustomed to is proving to be harder than I anticipated. However each day I commit to being more aware of my response to compliments and to consciously celebrate my accomplishments, right down to the smallest things.

A Question for you:

How well do you take compliments?

If anyone can relate let me know your thoughts x

Fear of not being Good Enough

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (5)

Living in your passion is what many of us strive to achieve in this life. When you decide to take that first step into doing what you love, it can be the most liberating feeling ever. However doing something out of your comfort zone and playing bigger than ever before can evoke unintended feelings of inadequacy. You find that the very thing you’re passion about is shared among other people. You find yourself competing among people who are very established in your industry and appear to have it all figured out.

I’ve had my fair share of negative experiences when trying to finally show myself to the world and step into my passion/s (politics, blogging). One instance that stuck with me was going to a networking event which turned out to be more like a popularity contest. If you didn’t dress a certain way or have a social media following, you were quite frankly overlooked and ignored. As someone who had just started putting myself out there I quickly felt like I didn’t belong and started believing that I lacked the ability to be successful. This experience in particular made me scared to put myself out there in fear of rejection. But by suppressing what I loved I missed out on some good opportunities that could have been beneficial to my personal growth and development.

At the beginning of the year I decided that I wasn’t going to hide away any longer just because I’m new to an industry/space. Even if I’m only recognised by a few I told myself I would produce unapologetically. This gave birth my blogging journey which I put off for a few years. I was adamant not to let anyone make me feel like I don’t belong. To test this new mantra I started going to a few events/talks that I’m passionate about so that I could better my craft. My highlight so far this year was going to my first my bloggers event called #blackbloggersuk where I met some amazing, genuine people.

These are a few words of advice I am interchangeably learning from others and through my own experiences:

1. We all start from somewhere- Whether you’re trying to grow a business, a blog or break into a particular industry, we all start from somewhere. A lot of people who you perceive as successful have been doing the work for many years and built their way up. You can’t compare the beginning or interim part of your journey to someone who’s been in the game longer than you.  And yes there will be people who receive their lucky break overnight or at a quicker pace than you through connections or by chance. However just because someone’s got their quicker than you, it doesn’t mean you won’t either. Our journeys aren’t meant to look the same. Trust that your journey will lead you to somewhere profound.

2. There’s room for all of us to win- Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t belong. Conflated egos and huge personalities can sometimes makes us feel inferior and as though we are playing where we don’t compete. Remember that just by virtue of being your true self, you have something special to add to any space you’re entering!

3. Feel the fear and do it anyways- It can be super scary getting out of your comfort zone. You might have to start talking to people you never imagined, or go to that networking event and finally promote that business you’ve been planning for years. The fear of failure can force us into convincing ourselves that it’s not worth stepping into our passion or stalling for the ‘right time’. But remember that any loss you take you can rise back from. You have to believe that no failure is big enough to stop you from living your potential. You don’t want to live your life constantly regretting your inaction so just what you love anyways and have faith that things will eventually figure itself out.

4. Every mistake is a lesson- Your blog layout isn’t the best (coming for myself lol) or you’re unsure whether your mixtape bangs. But who said you’re going to figure out everything overnight? Don’t be afraid to try different things and see what works for you. All the mistakes/ misjudgments you make will be a lessons that can be used to your benefit. Instead of striving for perfection, just experiment. Remember this is a learning process so don’t be harsh on yourself!

Have you ever experienced this feeling before?

What advice would you give to someone who’s starting a new career/hobby and feelings out of place?

Leave your thoughts!

 

Copyright © AshAlves 2018, All Rights Reserved