How to Overcome Feeling Envious at someone else’s Success

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (14)

Does other people’s success trigger feelings of inadequacy? You may find that you are genuinely happy for them but can’t seem to stop thinking about what’s going wrong in your life.

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all gone through a period where we’ve been unhappy or unsatisfied with how things are going in our lives. Confronting our insecurities can be difficult especially when we live in an age of highlight reels. As much as you may try to focus on your journey, it’s easy to get caught up in what other people are doing especially in the age of the internet.

Let’s be real, it can get frustrating when you see other people achieving successful milestones that you want to achieve, especially when you feel like you work hard. I’ll give you an example; you might be applying for countless jobs only to be met by rejection after rejection then suddenly you find out that your friend landed a massive offer in a company you wanted to work for. This can crop up feelings of comparison, inadequacy, and jealously.

It doesn’t make you a bad person if you are battling with negative feelings towards your friend. This indicates that you have personal insecurities that you need to address. You can change how you feel but you have to first become aware of your feelings so that you don’t project your insecurities onto others.

It’s easy to demonise people who find themselves envious at others. I believe that we need to remove those stigmas so we can have more honest and open conversations. The more authentic we are, the better chance we have of healing and creating healthier relationships. Some people genuinely want to celebrate other people’s successes but they find themselves battling with their insecurities.

If you are feeling envious, it’s not okay to:

  • Undermine someone else’s success to make yourself feel better
  • To undercut their success by copying them
  • To throw shade

Equally, it’s okay to:

  • Not feel super ecstatic about their achievements

How to cope when your friend’s success triggers you:

1. Journal- Write down your thoughts and ask yourself the following: How do I feel? What is this situation cropping up for me? What accomplishments have I made? What action steps can I achieve my goals? Or do I need to be more patient and trusting? Get to the route cause of the issue and find a solution to your problem.

2. Celebrate it- If you see that someone’s doing something you love, celebrate it. Tell them how happy you are for them and how much of a major accomplishment it is. Don’t keep quiet- that’s negative and bad energy. Even if your feelings don’t match your words, you are putting out the intention that you want to feel more of those positive feelings towards them. Additionally, making someone else feel good about their accomplishments might even make you feel better.

3. Weekly reminders- Go over your long term goals every week. This is a great reminder of where you are heading and why. When you are clear about the direction that your life is going, it becomes less important about the speed.

Reminders when feelings envious at other people’s success:

Your time will come- Just because it hasn’t happened for you yet doesn’t mean it won’t. If you keep working hard & smart, it’s almost inevitable that you will reap the benefits. Keep focusing on your vision & express gratitude for where you are now.

Gain peace with the present- You are where you been to be right now. There are still lessons that need to be learned, what that has to be done to get to where you want to be. There are still so many things you can be grateful for in your life. Don’t get caught up in another person’s journey that you can’t see the blessings in yours.

Managing expectations- Maybe your expectations for yourself are too harsh. Give yourself time to accomplish your goals and take into consideration other obstacles that may get in the way.

See the lessons- There’s always a lesson that can be learned. How can you learn from what they did? Where they in contact with certain people? Do you need to make those connections? Look at the action steps behind their success. Their success may have been a result of their hard work. What can you adopt (of course in YOUR way)?

A question to you:

What advice would you give someone who’s struggling with this?

I’d love to hear from you!

Love, Ash x 

Intention Setting for the New Year 2020

Copy of Copy of The ugly truth about self love

It’s the end of the year and you may be thinking about all the goals you want to achieve in the next year. But have you thought about your intentions behind your wanting to accomplish those goals?

Intention setting is when you ensure that all your goals are in alignment with your values and the core of who you are. Intention setting puts more meaning and purpose behind your goals. An example of this could be gaining your driving license. It becomes less about just passing the test but about wanting a vehicle to give you a sense of freedom to uproot and explore multiple places.

Benefits of Intention Setting:

Intention helps you avoid falling into the comparison trap. You gain a wider perspective as to why you want to achieve your goals. You become less consumed in appeasing the masses and more focused on meeting your targets. The acquisition of your goals becomes less material or status-driven but more about satisfying one’s soul’s desires.

Intentions are important because they remind us of the reasons why we want to achieve certain goals when things get tough. When you want to give up you can remind yourself of why it was important for you to achieve that goal. Having a business is less about the title of an entrepreneur but more about providing financial freedom for your family to there’s more joy.

Intention setting allows you to raise your vibrational energy by penetrating your psyche and providing a sense of hope, optimism to help you manifest your goals.

Additionally, intention setting makes your goals more possible. If you have a big goal you want to accomplish, it’s much harder to stay consistent when the going gets tough. If you set intentions behind your goal, it feels much more realistic and attainable to achieve. This is where the law of attraction comes into play. You set the intention for what you want, match your daily practices so that you become aligned with that goal each day. The universe will put you in the path of achieving that goal.

As the new year is coming, don’t forget to set your intentions. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How does my goal align with my purpose?
  • What values am I practising with this goal?
  • How does achieving this goal feel in my body?

Today’s challenge:

Start your day with “ dear universe my intention today is to…”

A question to you: 

What intentions are you setting for 2020?

I’d love to hear your answers!

Love Ash, xx 

Trust Your Timing

Copy of The ugly truth about self love (3)

Do you believe that you’re going to achieve your goals? If so, then why do we get impatient when things are not happening fast enough? Having faith that you will reach your goals is fundamental for achieving success. However, it’s easier said then done when you constantly see other people achieving amazing things and you are not close to reaching your goals.

When you’re not where you want to be in life and feel like things aren’t manifesting in the way you envisioned, it can make you lose hope in the process. I think for my generation (18-30’s), there’s a huge amount of pressure to live your ‘best life’ at such a young age. Social Media has played a huge role in the pressure to be successful. On a daily basis, we are constantly reminded of people’s riches and success. We barely see people sharing their struggles. All we see is the finalised ‘image’ of what success looks like and this drives us to feel impatient with our own journeys.

Additionally, social media has afforded people the opportunity to establish themselves and making a living through platforms like YouTube and Instagram. The downside of social media is phenomenon’s like ‘overnight celebrities’ where we’d see people becoming popular and as a result, using their leverage to achieve their financial/business goals. Seeing people reach success almost effortlessly added to the growing impatience some of us feel with our own progress. Reaching instant success is way more appealing than having to put in the work to achieve your goals, so it’s no wonder why many of us find ourselves so impatient.

However social media isn’t entirely to blame for this phenomenon. The desire to want things ‘now’ is also rooted in our economic system. Everything we want is mostly at the click of a button. We live in a consumer society which values instant gratification. The reality is there’s so much pressure and it’s difficult navigating life without feeling like you have to meet certain expectations.

There’s so much pressure…pressure from society, ourselves and others. Therefore when you’re doubting your journey, it’s really important to remind yourself of a few things that will make you feel better.

When you’re doubting yourself and feeling impatient with your journey remind yourself of these 6 things you can do:

1. Stop watching others- The phrase  “Water your own grass” applies perfectly here. You need to be so focused on trying to make your dreams a reality that other people’s success doesn’t make you question yourself. Comparing yourself to what other people are doing is only going to make you feel worse about your progress. Pour all the energy you spend watching other people’s success into your own and watch your seeds blossom into something unimaginable.

2.  Take a step back- Don’t be afraid to take some time out to reflect on your progress. Taking time away to re-strategise helps us see things in a fresh new lens and may give us answers to what is required to achieve your goals. This also helps spark creativity and give you the energy you need to propel forward.

3. Go over your goals- Remember those goals you wrote down? Make it a daily or weekly practice to remind yourself of those short/long term goals. This will help remind you of the bigger picture and give you hope that you can transcend your current obstacles.

4. Celebrate every milestone, even if it’s small- Make it a regular practice to celebrate yourself, even for the little things. For example, say to yourself; “I am proud of myself for posting a new blog post or I’m glad I spoke up at work today because that’s improving my confidence skills”. All those small things should not go unnoticed because a bunch of small victories is what will eventually result in you achieving a bigger goal.

5. Write down your WHY or figure it out (define your purpose)- You need to figure out your intentions behind why you want to achieve that said goal and make it a practice to remind yourself of it every day. Maybe you want to achieve financial freedom because you want to provide for your family or you might really want transform other peoples lives. Whatever is it, reminding yourself of the purpose will help ease you through times of uncertainty.

6. Reach out to others- If you’re feeling low about yourself, reach out to someone. Often times we convince ourselves that we are the only ones going through these struggles. By reaching out to others, it can help put things into perspective and restore confidence in ourselves. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, try finding a support group or a workshop to connect with people who are trying to achieve similar things as you.

Affirmations for Daily Practice:

“What is mine is always for me”

“I trust God’s timing”

“My struggles add character to my success story”

“The universe is aligning right now to work in my favour”

Quote on Trust your Timing:

“Just because it hasn’t happened for me yet doesn’t mean it won’t. There’s always room for me to succeed. It doesn’t matter if someone got there faster than me…what is for me will not miss me. I live by my own timing and will not be rushed by others. I choose long term gratification overnight short time success.” -ashalves

Thank you for reading!

 

Questions to you: Do you have goals that you are working to accomplish?

Do you believe you can achieve it?

 

Love Ash, xx

 

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